But, I did stream yesterday, and it was amazingly good.
I am back to feeling some depression, both from having attempted the cancelation and from the fact I literally can't--I'm out over $500 no matter what.
I'm back to having writer's block.
But I'm also back to getting things done. I've been working on a lot behind the scenes.
I'm back to feeling like I'm wasting my life.
But I'm back to inspiring and uplifting others.
I know it's going to be hard going forward.
I know I won't be able to have the life I want.
But I'm getting a good 80% of it.
I know the people I want in my life aren't going to be in my life.
But I know the people I most need in my life are going to remain in my life.
I'm probably gonna have to send a message to someone at some point, although I'm still not sure if I should.
I dunno. I just have a lot of thoughts.
I'm rambling.
I don't really know what I'm doing.
Killing time, wasting my life I guess.
I have free time right now--and I'm not using it for anything.
So like, I'm kicking myself. Because I know I'm not doing anything rn, and I need to be doing things, therefore wasting my life.
Still. As disappointed as I'll be in me--I need to keep forgiving myself.
I dunno. Sorry for wasting your time. And friendships. And your interest. And your everything. Just, I dunno.
I hope you live your best lives.
I know the amount of time and effort I put into things like people is not nearly enough as it should've been. But I wish you all well regardless.
Sorry I'm not able to love you properly as you deserve.
You'll have to settle for me as I am, and if that's not good enough...it's not good enough. And that's okay. I just wish I could be.