I still have yet to do anything truly productive. During a brief time spent contemplating, for some reason, an old favorite song of mine popped into my head. It used to play on The End a lot, and it was playing a lot during a low time in my life. Somewhere around 16, somewhere around 2010, not sure of the exact timeframe, but it was a song that spoke volumes to me then, and so, has been ingrained into my soul, popping up whenever I hit a low point.
That's because of how much it said. In so few words, it conveyed so much information, about exactly the low I was feeling. That desire, to reclaim my life, to stop it from ending in tragedy...it's a song like this which can, quite literally, save my life, because of hearing it, because of thinking about it, so that I can listen, so that I can share it with others now that I am blogging, and through the music, find...a fair amount of solace, I think the word is.
I also recently read an article in Reader's Digest about a kid with Asperger's syndrome, who sounded a lot like me: tendency to ramble on and on when talking, blunt and to the point, but quiet otherwise, very poor academic grades, bad at making friends, yet having passion for things, having good knowledge of a few subjects, trying to make others laugh, trying to comfort them when they're in pain...things like that.
It was a little reassuring. I'm in a bit of a calmer mood now. But it's no sudden recovery, no instant cure. I'm still sighing. I'm still feeling like just sitting here and doing nothing. I'm still wanting to absolutely waste today, not just accidentally, but because I want to waste the day.
So I still have a ways to go.
I said I'd be back to normal either tomorrow or Monday. That...was a lie, because I don't know when I will be back. I couldn't know. But I think the prediction is accurate anyway. And with luck, this is one thing that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.