WOW, I got hit hard. Obviously, being bipolar means--even with medication and regular counseling appointments--it was inevitably going to hit, but I wasn't expecting it to hit this strongly. In hindsight, that explains a lot of things about last night. (Like why I didn't get to blogging.) But yeah...got hit by it.
How do I know? Because I'm having trouble smiling. I'm having trouble summoning happy thoughts. I'm under barrage from an assault of negativity, with wave after wave of self-hatred poisoning my mind. It's just one thing after another. This isn't some mild episode. THIS is something really serious. And it had literally no trigger at all. Happy one moment, this the next.
So, this sucks. I'm at work. I'm expected to smile. Normally, I can give a real one. And even if not, I can put up a fake one. But right now, I physically CAN'T. I'm not liking where this is going, but there's literally nothing I can do about it.
Depression is the worst.
How do I know? Because I'm having trouble smiling. I'm having trouble summoning happy thoughts. I'm under barrage from an assault of negativity, with wave after wave of self-hatred poisoning my mind. It's just one thing after another. This isn't some mild episode. THIS is something really serious. And it had literally no trigger at all. Happy one moment, this the next.
So, this sucks. I'm at work. I'm expected to smile. Normally, I can give a real one. And even if not, I can put up a fake one. But right now, I physically CAN'T. I'm not liking where this is going, but there's literally nothing I can do about it.
Depression is the worst.
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