Know how I normally have a bunch to say on vacation days? Usually, there's a ton. My entries are long, and cover a lot.
Yeah, not today.
Today, the closest thing you'll see to a long entry is me going into elaborate detail for why I don't want to make a long entry.
I thought I could handle this, and I'd be fine. But today just...well, nothing went well today. And I feel like a black sheep in my family. And while they're busy for preparations, tomorrow maybe being the funeral, I'm just really frustrated, really angry, having extreme irritation, basically, an episode, a fit, of emotionality, of those negative emotions in intense bursts: hatred, distaste, dislike, you get the idea. All those anger, all those rage, emotions, running through me right now.
And I've had this for...most of the day. I've tried venting them out, but many of the things meant to help me have only made it worse, and this is NOT a mindset I want to stay in and yet here I am in this mindstate that I really don't like.
I may be human. I may be autistic at that. I may not be a full adult yet.
But I still expect BETTER of myself than...than...THIS. This frustration, this childish ire...it's not me. Bitterness is something I let myself experience every once and a while, but nothing like this. And for good reason.
I'm just...very much in a state where I'd not talk about what's going through my head.
It's not pleasant stuff.
I'm sorry I can't give you something for today.
But today was not a day I want recorded on my blog.
It's one of those days where I want a hug, but can't get one.
But, of course, by the time anyone could read this, the moment will have long-since passed.
I'm going to try and sleep now, so probably nothing productive today, but even if there was, yeah, my current state is not one where I should be blogging.
Yeah, not today.
Today, the closest thing you'll see to a long entry is me going into elaborate detail for why I don't want to make a long entry.
I thought I could handle this, and I'd be fine. But today just...well, nothing went well today. And I feel like a black sheep in my family. And while they're busy for preparations, tomorrow maybe being the funeral, I'm just really frustrated, really angry, having extreme irritation, basically, an episode, a fit, of emotionality, of those negative emotions in intense bursts: hatred, distaste, dislike, you get the idea. All those anger, all those rage, emotions, running through me right now.
And I've had this for...most of the day. I've tried venting them out, but many of the things meant to help me have only made it worse, and this is NOT a mindset I want to stay in and yet here I am in this mindstate that I really don't like.
I may be human. I may be autistic at that. I may not be a full adult yet.
But I still expect BETTER of myself than...than...THIS. This frustration, this childish ire...it's not me. Bitterness is something I let myself experience every once and a while, but nothing like this. And for good reason.
I'm just...very much in a state where I'd not talk about what's going through my head.
It's not pleasant stuff.
I'm sorry I can't give you something for today.
But today was not a day I want recorded on my blog.
It's one of those days where I want a hug, but can't get one.
But, of course, by the time anyone could read this, the moment will have long-since passed.
I'm going to try and sleep now, so probably nothing productive today, but even if there was, yeah, my current state is not one where I should be blogging.
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