So I was having a fairly lucid dream last night: I was in a computer argument with my mother. She was blaming some software glitch which was entirely her fault on some hardware thing I could have been responsible for, yet because I know computers better than she does and I knew it was software, I knew it could not be my fault.
This is not at all an unusual occurrence in my household. She is not technologically inclined, always blaming the wrong things for the problem she is experiencing. Which, with just some simple knowledge, you are able to correctly pinpoint. So in the dream, I demonstrated to her that it wasn't my fault by deliberately triggering the supposed hardware fault, and when it didn't impact her work, I went, "See? Not my fault." or something to that effect.
Also not an unusual occurrence: me being blamed for something I didn't do, and being able to prove my innocence because it's something I did not do.
...But what made the dream truly disturbing? The comment my infuriated mother made in the dream: "Sometimes, I wish you would stop pretending to be a girl." No joke. Keep in mind, this being a fairly realistic dream, my dream form wasn't my female self. (Sadly.) I was thoroughly convinced it was an event actually happening, which means I was in my actual body. And my reaction? Just as realistic. The only tip-off to it being a dream was that in the dream, the furniture was arranged the old way, with the red chair (currently against the whiteboard in the dining room area) was in the living room.
...And I drove my face into it, a wave of emotions overcoming me. Shock, horror, frustration, sadness, basically a whole bunch of negative emotions. I shut down. I just...wasn't able to form a response at the comment from her, because I was crushed. I was devastated. It just...hit home. Way, way too close to home.
I may have shifted into my female form while this was happening, but it's difficult to say, because around this time I realized it was dream thanks to the inconsistency of the chair in the place our blue loveseat currently is, and shifted into some other dream. (Which was better, fairly good, and memorable at the time, but short and ultimately not something I remembered.)
...Basically, the takeaway from this I got was...even my subconscious is telling me I'll never get acceptance here at home.
And frankly, it's probably right.
This is not at all an unusual occurrence in my household. She is not technologically inclined, always blaming the wrong things for the problem she is experiencing. Which, with just some simple knowledge, you are able to correctly pinpoint. So in the dream, I demonstrated to her that it wasn't my fault by deliberately triggering the supposed hardware fault, and when it didn't impact her work, I went, "See? Not my fault." or something to that effect.
Also not an unusual occurrence: me being blamed for something I didn't do, and being able to prove my innocence because it's something I did not do.
...But what made the dream truly disturbing? The comment my infuriated mother made in the dream: "Sometimes, I wish you would stop pretending to be a girl." No joke. Keep in mind, this being a fairly realistic dream, my dream form wasn't my female self. (Sadly.) I was thoroughly convinced it was an event actually happening, which means I was in my actual body. And my reaction? Just as realistic. The only tip-off to it being a dream was that in the dream, the furniture was arranged the old way, with the red chair (currently against the whiteboard in the dining room area) was in the living room.
...And I drove my face into it, a wave of emotions overcoming me. Shock, horror, frustration, sadness, basically a whole bunch of negative emotions. I shut down. I just...wasn't able to form a response at the comment from her, because I was crushed. I was devastated. It just...hit home. Way, way too close to home.
I may have shifted into my female form while this was happening, but it's difficult to say, because around this time I realized it was dream thanks to the inconsistency of the chair in the place our blue loveseat currently is, and shifted into some other dream. (Which was better, fairly good, and memorable at the time, but short and ultimately not something I remembered.)
...Basically, the takeaway from this I got was...even my subconscious is telling me I'll never get acceptance here at home.
And frankly, it's probably right.
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