Story time: by now it's fairly public knowledge that, two years ago (almost exactly two years ago in fact), I had an accident. This is common knowledge, in part because the accident is what helped me figure out that I was trans. I mean: I had already started down that path of truth long before then, back in fall of 2013. But the accident is what truly kickstarted the realization that I am a woman. I probably would have figured it out on my own without the accident, but it would have taken me months, if not years, to do so.
The accident changed all that. It's the best worst event in my life for a reason. But...what's not so public knowledge about it is that the accident had foreshadowing. Have you read the comic God's Revelation? I mean, I fell behind a few years ago, so I'm not up to date, but I've still read about 50 or so of the pages, maybe more, maybe less, enough to have seen the girl go to God and have God explain a lot of things.
Well...you know what he described? Of giving lots of warnings to the girl, which she missed/chose not to act on? Guess what. When it came to my accident, back then, that exact thing happened to me. There were many, many warning signs here and there. Believe me, two years ago, this was fresh in my mind that I could list a dozen of them. No joke, a full dozen warning signs that I saw and ignored. Most egregiously, though, would have to be the time when I was traveling between the main Campus at Everett and their Boeing campus which is a few exits to the south, closer to the huge Everett building.
I was going around the corner on the exit, but the roads were slick. Really slick. And I was taking the corner fast: the speed limit, rather than the recommended speed. I paid the price: my car lost traction and I had a huge freak-out as I was powerless to watch as my car did a full 180 degree turn to face back towards the corner I was taking. Huge skid marks and all. But, fortunately, I had spun out (and it was exactly that, a spin-out) into the shoulder, so no accident happened there. I was able to turn the car around, then simply get back on the road, and I was fine.
Never said a word of this to anyone. Until just now, of course. I had very, very, very good reason to keep knowledge of the incident away from the panicky nature of my mother, who no doubt would have had what in my opinion would have been a severe overreaction. (She does that a lot.) After all...I was fine. The car was fine. (I checked. Multiple times. Tires smelled of burnt rubber, but aside from that were unharmed.) No need to raise the alarm for my entire family.
...And then I had the accident only a few days or weeks later. Forget the timeline there. College started probably the first week of January (forget which day I went to that building, though--I think Mondays and Wednesdays?), and the accident was on either the second or the third Tuesday of the same month. It wasn't the day after, I know that much, but it was fresh in mind at the time, which is why it was so vividly immortalized: I thought of the comic, how God warns people (keep in mind, this falls in line with my own beliefs; I started reading God's Revelation partially because the comic has beliefs that LARGELY reflect my own), how I had a harmless warning, chose to not follow it, and as a consequence...had a not-so-harmless experience: one which hurt, but that I ultimately came out stronger from.
Why am I sharing this today? And not, say, on the actual anniversary (or one week's approximation from the anniversary anyway) of the event? Well, simple: because this Friday, it became relevant again.
Two years later, warning signs appeared again. I can't quite remember all of them, but they include various times taking corners and having something not quite feel right, having trouble steering even on a straightaway, wondering if I have a flat tire even when I don't, noting slipping in the wheels, and these things happening even with other drivers than me. (The most egregious example for this time was when I had a fender bender with a car on my way to counseling, a while back. Both our cars were completely unharmed, so I'm pretty sure nothing came of the incident. That one, I did have to mention to my mom, awkwardly enough.) So I quite literally was thinking, as I was driving, "Slow. Slooooooooow. You left early, remember? You have the time. Sloooooooooooooooooow. If you're not careful, you're going to have an accident."
And this time, I actually listened. I mean, I still thought, "You know, I'm going to have an accident sooner or later." I had that thought even as I continued showing caution. I thought I was heeding the advice this time, listening to the warnings, and being more alert, paying more attention, but in spite of my precautions...
...It happened anyway. I'm fairly convinced that if I hadn't paid attention to the warning signs, the accident would have been much, much worse. I could have gotten myself killed, and/or totaled the car. That didn't happen. The car's mostly fine, aside from a cracked windshield, some oil tank rupture of some kind, a little damage to the front of the car, but nothing that can't be fixed and nothing that should be expensive, so the car's likely driveable, once repaired.
If you're worried about me, I'm also fine. After the adrenaline wore off, I realized I had some pain in my left elbow, but it was gone by Saturday. I was definitely rattled at the time, and honestly, am still recovering, but...I actually...don't feel that terrible. Since I did crash into someone's yard (through their fence), the police were called, but the officer didn't give me a ticket, which is a relief. (My mom keeps telling me that if I get another one, I could lose my license. I don't think she's right, but I'd very much be inclined not to test her theory.)
And, hearing again about others makes me feel better. I was going under the speed limit. I didn't make a sharp turn. Both my mother and my older sister have driven the car and thought they felt something wrong in the steering, yet brushed it off as their imagination. It's even possible that insurance will even list it as a mechanical failure, too. (I already know they're going to cover the cost of replacing the fence I trashed.)
And...actually, seeing how I reacted to this accident, I feel like I've become a bit stronger as a result. I still didn't react perfectly. Kinda hard to, given, you know, I freakin' crashed a car; there aint a civilian in the world who can be unfazed by that. My hands trembled as I sent text to work letting them know I'd be late (ended up only being half an hour, which is good, since that's when the other guard was scheduled to leave), which resulted in a hectic work day (can't talk about details there, though), and I did have times where I didn't know what to do, but...
...I was able to run through the process, explain (albeit with enough pauses that the officer asked me if I have any conditions and I responded in the affirmative that I have aspergers, which seemed to satisfy his concerns) what happened more or less, was able to call my parents in a timely manner and inform them bluntly of what had happened (that conversation never goes well, but at least this time they don't blame me given that they are under the impression it was not my fault and there was nothing I could do, which I think is accurate), basically, recover quickly, and be on my way to work in a relatively-timely manner.
It was awkward, yes. It was a hell of a day, yes. But I was still doing okay. I handled the situation okay. Not perfectly--had to have my parents arrive and have them call AAA, because I didn't know what to do there--but well enough that I feel like, in comparison to two years ago, I've become more...mature. And it happened without me really realizing it.
Still sucks, obviously. Still recovering from it, as you might be able to tell in the delay in the blog entries. (Me saying this today rather than the day of.) But...I think the accident, while unfortunate, has still served to show some positive. Two years ago, reflecting on the accident started me down a path. Now, two years later, having another accident has illuminated just how much I've begun to become a fine young woman, of how much growth has happened in that time, of my progress as a person. So that's at least awesome.
The accident changed all that. It's the best worst event in my life for a reason. But...what's not so public knowledge about it is that the accident had foreshadowing. Have you read the comic God's Revelation? I mean, I fell behind a few years ago, so I'm not up to date, but I've still read about 50 or so of the pages, maybe more, maybe less, enough to have seen the girl go to God and have God explain a lot of things.
Well...you know what he described? Of giving lots of warnings to the girl, which she missed/chose not to act on? Guess what. When it came to my accident, back then, that exact thing happened to me. There were many, many warning signs here and there. Believe me, two years ago, this was fresh in my mind that I could list a dozen of them. No joke, a full dozen warning signs that I saw and ignored. Most egregiously, though, would have to be the time when I was traveling between the main Campus at Everett and their Boeing campus which is a few exits to the south, closer to the huge Everett building.
I was going around the corner on the exit, but the roads were slick. Really slick. And I was taking the corner fast: the speed limit, rather than the recommended speed. I paid the price: my car lost traction and I had a huge freak-out as I was powerless to watch as my car did a full 180 degree turn to face back towards the corner I was taking. Huge skid marks and all. But, fortunately, I had spun out (and it was exactly that, a spin-out) into the shoulder, so no accident happened there. I was able to turn the car around, then simply get back on the road, and I was fine.
Never said a word of this to anyone. Until just now, of course. I had very, very, very good reason to keep knowledge of the incident away from the panicky nature of my mother, who no doubt would have had what in my opinion would have been a severe overreaction. (She does that a lot.) After all...I was fine. The car was fine. (I checked. Multiple times. Tires smelled of burnt rubber, but aside from that were unharmed.) No need to raise the alarm for my entire family.
...And then I had the accident only a few days or weeks later. Forget the timeline there. College started probably the first week of January (forget which day I went to that building, though--I think Mondays and Wednesdays?), and the accident was on either the second or the third Tuesday of the same month. It wasn't the day after, I know that much, but it was fresh in mind at the time, which is why it was so vividly immortalized: I thought of the comic, how God warns people (keep in mind, this falls in line with my own beliefs; I started reading God's Revelation partially because the comic has beliefs that LARGELY reflect my own), how I had a harmless warning, chose to not follow it, and as a consequence...had a not-so-harmless experience: one which hurt, but that I ultimately came out stronger from.
Why am I sharing this today? And not, say, on the actual anniversary (or one week's approximation from the anniversary anyway) of the event? Well, simple: because this Friday, it became relevant again.
Two years later, warning signs appeared again. I can't quite remember all of them, but they include various times taking corners and having something not quite feel right, having trouble steering even on a straightaway, wondering if I have a flat tire even when I don't, noting slipping in the wheels, and these things happening even with other drivers than me. (The most egregious example for this time was when I had a fender bender with a car on my way to counseling, a while back. Both our cars were completely unharmed, so I'm pretty sure nothing came of the incident. That one, I did have to mention to my mom, awkwardly enough.) So I quite literally was thinking, as I was driving, "Slow. Slooooooooow. You left early, remember? You have the time. Sloooooooooooooooooow. If you're not careful, you're going to have an accident."
And this time, I actually listened. I mean, I still thought, "You know, I'm going to have an accident sooner or later." I had that thought even as I continued showing caution. I thought I was heeding the advice this time, listening to the warnings, and being more alert, paying more attention, but in spite of my precautions...
...It happened anyway. I'm fairly convinced that if I hadn't paid attention to the warning signs, the accident would have been much, much worse. I could have gotten myself killed, and/or totaled the car. That didn't happen. The car's mostly fine, aside from a cracked windshield, some oil tank rupture of some kind, a little damage to the front of the car, but nothing that can't be fixed and nothing that should be expensive, so the car's likely driveable, once repaired.
If you're worried about me, I'm also fine. After the adrenaline wore off, I realized I had some pain in my left elbow, but it was gone by Saturday. I was definitely rattled at the time, and honestly, am still recovering, but...I actually...don't feel that terrible. Since I did crash into someone's yard (through their fence), the police were called, but the officer didn't give me a ticket, which is a relief. (My mom keeps telling me that if I get another one, I could lose my license. I don't think she's right, but I'd very much be inclined not to test her theory.)
And, hearing again about others makes me feel better. I was going under the speed limit. I didn't make a sharp turn. Both my mother and my older sister have driven the car and thought they felt something wrong in the steering, yet brushed it off as their imagination. It's even possible that insurance will even list it as a mechanical failure, too. (I already know they're going to cover the cost of replacing the fence I trashed.)
And...actually, seeing how I reacted to this accident, I feel like I've become a bit stronger as a result. I still didn't react perfectly. Kinda hard to, given, you know, I freakin' crashed a car; there aint a civilian in the world who can be unfazed by that. My hands trembled as I sent text to work letting them know I'd be late (ended up only being half an hour, which is good, since that's when the other guard was scheduled to leave), which resulted in a hectic work day (can't talk about details there, though), and I did have times where I didn't know what to do, but...
...I was able to run through the process, explain (albeit with enough pauses that the officer asked me if I have any conditions and I responded in the affirmative that I have aspergers, which seemed to satisfy his concerns) what happened more or less, was able to call my parents in a timely manner and inform them bluntly of what had happened (that conversation never goes well, but at least this time they don't blame me given that they are under the impression it was not my fault and there was nothing I could do, which I think is accurate), basically, recover quickly, and be on my way to work in a relatively-timely manner.
It was awkward, yes. It was a hell of a day, yes. But I was still doing okay. I handled the situation okay. Not perfectly--had to have my parents arrive and have them call AAA, because I didn't know what to do there--but well enough that I feel like, in comparison to two years ago, I've become more...mature. And it happened without me really realizing it.
Still sucks, obviously. Still recovering from it, as you might be able to tell in the delay in the blog entries. (Me saying this today rather than the day of.) But...I think the accident, while unfortunate, has still served to show some positive. Two years ago, reflecting on the accident started me down a path. Now, two years later, having another accident has illuminated just how much I've begun to become a fine young woman, of how much growth has happened in that time, of my progress as a person. So that's at least awesome.
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