So today, I got praise from my boss, telling me that basically, I'm awesome.
This being random, out of the blue, literally-walked-up-to-me and explained in length, is no empty praise.
So I should be celebrating, but I'm the type of person who lives in perpetual self-doubt. See, there's three types of praise. The, praise-as-just-praise type, "You're doing good, so keep it up!" type, is what I'm hoping for. Then there's the good-praise, "You're doing good, and good things may come of it" type, which I'm anxious about (because what could I possibly be doing that's good enough to warrant good things), and worse of all is the bad-praise, "You've done good, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut...", which I live in constant fear about coming from a figure of authority in particular.
I mean, this person used to be my coworker and is now my boss. If they were still my coworker, I'd think nothing of it. I'd give a heartfelt "thank you" rather than the trepidation-filled nervous "thank you"s I ended up actually giving. But since they're now my boss, there's always that worry. Did I do something wrong, and they're telling me that it's not all bad? Little stuff like that.
Little stuff like this helps to show why I am not, contrary to how I'm seen in many internet circles, actually arrogant. Here I am, with something that should be celebrated, yet instead of flaunting it for everyone to see, I'm terrified of it.
This being random, out of the blue, literally-walked-up-to-me and explained in length, is no empty praise.
So I should be celebrating, but I'm the type of person who lives in perpetual self-doubt. See, there's three types of praise. The, praise-as-just-praise type, "You're doing good, so keep it up!" type, is what I'm hoping for. Then there's the good-praise, "You're doing good, and good things may come of it" type, which I'm anxious about (because what could I possibly be doing that's good enough to warrant good things), and worse of all is the bad-praise, "You've done good, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut...", which I live in constant fear about coming from a figure of authority in particular.
I mean, this person used to be my coworker and is now my boss. If they were still my coworker, I'd think nothing of it. I'd give a heartfelt "thank you" rather than the trepidation-filled nervous "thank you"s I ended up actually giving. But since they're now my boss, there's always that worry. Did I do something wrong, and they're telling me that it's not all bad? Little stuff like that.
Little stuff like this helps to show why I am not, contrary to how I'm seen in many internet circles, actually arrogant. Here I am, with something that should be celebrated, yet instead of flaunting it for everyone to see, I'm terrified of it.
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