So the more I think about last night, the more terrifying it becomes.
For however brief a period it might have been...I think I died last night.
I was in the middle of dreaming, when abruptly, the 'dream' shifted. Suddenly, it was the middle of the night, and I was outside, staring at a masked figure.
I knew this masked figure brought death. To get any closer, I would die.
I couldn’t move at all. I was frozen in place. I knew I was on some level terrified, but I wasn’t scared, because I couldn’t feel any emotion at all. There was just numbness, numbness to everything. The fear wasn’t emotional or physical, as much as mental. Not because I wasn’t scared physically or emotionally, but rather, because I couldn’t be scared physically or emotionally. There was a disconnect between my mind and what I was perceiving, and my body where such feelings/emotions come from. I was separated from my ability to feel anything.
Unable to move, helpless to do anything while staring at the figure of death, I did the only thing I could: I screamed. Over and over again, I screamed. I was screaming for my sister to come help me. But she couldn’t, because my scream was muted. My scream was out loud, but it was still silent. My scream didn’t reach her. Nobody could hear me, despite them being right there. I was helpless, defenseless, Unable to do anything but continue screaming into the void, despite the terror of knowing nobody could hear me.
Then, suddenly, I awoke. At first, I couldn’t move or process anything. I was standing over my body, rather than being inside of it, so I wasn’t able to feel things immediately.
Once I did?
First thing I noticed: My heart was beating rapidly.
My first instinct was it did so in response to the nightmare.
But then I noticed something:
You know how when you have circulation cut off to a limb, then have it return?
Your limb becomes numb due to the lack of circulation, and the return of circulation creates a tingling sensation throughout the limb.
I had that, except instead of one or two of my limbs, it was ALL of them. Both arms, both legs. In fact, head to toe, there was the exact same sensation: the feeling of circulation having been cut off, and gradually returning to normal.
One or two limbs losing circulation could be body position of having accidentally cut off circulation.
What could cause the entire body to lose circulation?
What could result in the entire body having a loss of blood circulation?
I have an idea, and it is terrifying if true.
In this state, I also became aware of the entity in my room acting unusual.
My room is haunted, and the spirit there is normally pretty cheerful. A bit playful, joyous, and likes to mess around. Just kinda vibes, is chill, but likes to mess with people.
This presence was freaking out.
This, normally playful spirit, a carefree entity who is slightly mischievous but ultimately harmless?
Was freaked out, and obviously panicking.
What could cause a benign spirit who normally just chills and occasionally messes with things, to start freaking out like that?
At the time, I just wanted to get back to sleep, so I tabled processing everything until today.
Now that I have, though, I am terrified.
I’ve had close calls previously, but nothing quite like THIS before. I think that, for however brief of a period, I actually died last night. Clinically/medically, at least.
Obviously, I was revived.
But I still feel like that everything together was not just me having a bad dream, then making stuff up after.
I legit think it was something far more real and horrifying.
I don't really feel like even going through the process of making the above be formatted properly, since I'm late for bed as-is, but suffice to say:
I've received various theories.
Could be a heart attack, which doctors can check for. (Need to bring it up.)
Could be sleep paralysis.
I've got a bunch to sort through but I ran out of time today.
Tomorrow's a long work day, and I've got counseling, so that'll limit my free time severely.
But I def need to pursue this, because it's not okay to leave as-is.