All Too Human
All Too Human
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Rambles, Rants, and Musings

Hello, I am a miserable failure.

1/1/2016

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As the title says, no work done yesterday! Well, I suppose I DID finish page six, but given as how there are 22 pages in the chapter...that's a LOT of work to do in a short amount of time, and a great deal of said work? Will not be easy.

Heck, I might even need to split page seven in two, and it's not the only page that may be cramped. (I spaced things out reasonably well, but when I envisioned the script page-by-page, I only had my best guess as far as how it would actually end up looking--no thumbnailing to see if it would work.)

I've got a lot of work to do, in not much time.

But that being said...I have taken further steps for Red Hood Rider all the same. Mostly trivial little things, like changing my avatar, the one I've had for five years, to be my favorite panel from Red Hood Rider thusfar, as to better represent my artistic skills. I'm getting the hype built up, so...when it's released, I'm anticipating it being a big thing.

It helps that my plan is for simultaneous releases (or near-simultaneous, anyway) on most sites except for two: ComicFury will have automated updates on Monday and Friday, and the mafia site I'll also release as I feel like it. But I'm also going to host Red Hood Rider on this blog, and I'm PLANNING on hosting it also on Smackjeeves, too, where such things may get attention.

I know, it'll be a bit of a pain to handle four sites' worth of comments actively, but I KNOW I can manage it. Once I get things up and going, I think people will absolutely, entirely, enjoy my work. It's more than just the art, which I feel good about. It's also the pacing (which I feel good about), the characterization (which I think is good), the humor (which I think is solid), the alt-text, and my author comments. (Which, for the most part, I keep succinct!)

It's all there. A webcomic waiting to be born. I simply need to double-down and DO it, now that we're in the new year.

Speaking of which, I spent the new year's eve all on ComicFury. I was part of a hangout, and figured out how to screen share. I, unfortunately, could not get the webcam we have working, in spite of plugging it in. What's so irksome is that it's so stupid: my laptop has all the necessary hardware built in. I record vocaroo recordings on it, so the mike is built-in and works. I take webcam pictures of myself on it, so the webcam built-in works.

...Yet the SOFTWARE doesn't. Not for google hangouts, anyway. I tried, multiple times, to get it working, to no avail. It keeps on giving me the same message every time, that I need to install google hangouts (even though one version of it I did install), and the download they launch for me to do so...never progresses. Ever. I've tried it from multiple sources. From the direct link. From the website. Downloading it as an executable. All give the exact same screen of nothingness, where it refuses to work. Rather, it shows a "Downloading..." screen, where the bar remains empty at 0% and never hints at moving, ever.

The desktop, however, has no such issue. Google hangouts works perfectly on there. I've chatted multiple times successfully, so it's definitely working. The issue, however, is that the webcam (as I mentioned) doesn't work, and even if it did, I'm not sure said webcam has a microphone built in so I might have no sound...meaning the HARDWARE doesn't work there, even though the software does!

Incredibly frustrating, that. But bearable, since there is a working chat function (albeit one I fear google may try phasing out), meaning I can still communicate with them. It's nice to see their faces/hear their voices and get to know them more intimately. They ARE my friends, after all, a second family of sorts.

I didn't get to watch movies because I was doing the hang-out, but the time I spent on the forums was worth it. Around midnight, I didn't have cider handy, so instead, I had chocolate milk to celebrate the new year. I could tell the story about what my family traditionally did for New Years Eve, but that changed a year or two ago, so I'll tell you what currently happens: they all leave to be with friends, and I hold the fort down at home. Our dog reacted to the fireworks going off, but was mostly calm. The interesting (and annoying) thing for the night, however, was our younger cat.

See, our older cat has this habit where, when she's hungry, she'll get all cuddly and annoying, constantly rubbing things and giving the impression she wants attention. She'll mew, she'll pace back and forth, she'll stare, she'll be adventurous and go places she normally wouldn't, she'll even try members of the family she normally stays away from, being friendly, cute, yet also annoying with her persistence and her hunger. She did get hungry, but fortunately, I could tune it out.

What I had more trouble with, though, was our younger cat...because apparently, our older cat isn't the only one who knows how to do this. Normally, I know where his cat food is. So normally, when he's out of food (and he was), I can feed him. Yet at the worst possible time, when I was alone, I couldn't find it. I texted both my mom and my sister, hoping one of them would know, but neither responded...leaving me with a kitty nearly-constantly by my side, rubbing everything, purring, being overly friendly, and having all of his timidness and shyness go away. He slyly would indicate with subtle movements that he wanted me to go to his food bowl, and eventually, I figured out that it wasn't him being in a cuddly mood. (Which does happen on occasion.)

No, he was hungry, so I set about looking for his food, with him constantly by my side, hopeful, waiting, mewing, rubbing everything, generally being cute and adorable. Yet as much as I looked, I couldn't find anything, so he had to go without, meaning there he was, near-constantly pestering me, only giving me the occasional break to nap.

Soyeah. That was basically my New Years Eve. A single page produced, out of a needed five, and then lots of time mostly wasted on ComicFury. I don't hold many regrets, but I do wish I could double-down and actually get work DONE. I've got some really, really, REALLY hard images to make, reference images would probably be helpful and I should get some (in particular, getting some for pitching baseballs and/or fireballs would be helpful since the villain Ruby is fighting lobs lightning strikes at her and I've been miserably failing to show that accurately), there's just a bundle-load for me to do and frankly...I'm running out of time.

There's still gonna be family night tonight. Which means, as of writing this blog post, two hours (give or take half an hour) before all my time for the night is gone.

...Oh. And by the way.

If anyone on the mafia site I play on reads this blog: I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN YOU AND MY DEEPEST APOLOGIES FOR THE APPEARANCE OF A SITE FLAKE I GUARANTEE YOU NO MATTER WHAT I WILL BE BACK COME MONDAY BUT THIS STUFF IS REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME AND I KNOW HOW MUCH A MISERABLE FAILURE I AM AND I SWEAR I WILL DO BETTER COME THIS NEW YEAR JUST BEAR WITH ME A LITTLE WHILE LONGER AND PUT UP WITH MY FAILURES JUST A LITTLE WHILE LONGER PLEASE.

I really, really know that this obsession with Red Hood Rider is throwing the balance I held in my life out the window. When I was working on Red Hood Rider casually, I had a good balance: writing a blog every day, doing mafia and keeping up, being on ComicFury and making progress and reading new comics all the time, even doing noveling, all while having a job and doing dancing and TKD. That was a perfect balance, that I held for a short while.

Since then, I know I've slipped. In spite of there currently being no dance or TKD thanks to the holidays, and no work for that matter (all of which will change come Monday), I have...only barely kept up with ComicFury, done virtually zero noveling, and thoroughly neglected my mafia life. So where did all that extra time go? It's being wasted by my inefficiency in working on Red Hood Rider as much as I can while also trying to keep up with CF. But I promise.

Regardless of whether I succeed or fail on my Monday deadline. (God help me, I very much do not want to fail that deadline though.) Regardless of whether Red Hood Rider becomes real or remains just a dream. I WILL be back on Monday, restoring balance to the fo--I mean, my life. It's just that...today, tomorrow, and Sunday...I want to devote my all to making Ruby come alive. I really, really think this is something important to do. The passion is there, the fire is there, the hype is getting built up, and I absolutely love my work.

It's no mere hobby. This is something fundamental to my soul, now. So much of my life revolves in some manner around Red Hood Rider, and I cannot. CanNOT. let it go.

So I am truly sorry for all the abuse and neglect you're getting from my absence.

I SWEAR I WILL BE BACK. Overcoming inertia will be challenging. Difficult. But not impossible. Once I know my schedule, I'll be able to work time in for me to do everything. So three days. Three more days. That's all I need. Please give it to me.
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    rBree2

    AKA:
    RangerBree2
    ​rangerbreenew

    Just your average blogger. A transwoman lesbian, with autism, adhd, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, who is plural (a polyfrag median system).

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