So this may seem a bit silly, but there's something I've wanted to talk about for the last couple of days in regards to Red Hood Rider.
I'm not quite sure how to word this. The words aren't quite there to properly express it (curse my trouble vocalizing thoughts), so I'm not even sure where to begin.
I guess...well, with the fact that...obviously, you know if you've read my blog that Red Hood Rider has grown into an obsession of mine. I've made so many posts on it that it should be abundantly clear that I love it with a passion.
And, well...I think I figured out one of the main reasons why. Ruby was always, from the get-go, meant to be a fictionalized version of me. Ever since the first thought of a magical girl-vampire, she's been...well, ME. Except not me--a better version of me.
A more fantastical version. And I think...I think I'm so passionate about her because I want to BE her. I know it's silly to say. It's about the most cliched thing to say. On other works that I've written, I don't want to be the characters, or even live in their world. Even characters who were originally based off of me, I have no desire to actually be them.
This goes for every major work I've ever started, from my first novel to Disease to my currently-attempted webcomic. In some (especially my earlier novels), the characters looked like me, had my name, and acted as better versions of me...but I didn't actually have any particular urge to be them. I knew them to not be me, not really.
Yet with Ruby, it's different. I'm actually a bit jealous of her. All I can be is her writer. All I can be is the person who gave her life. I can't actually BE her. But what I can do is continue to see things through her, and her allies', eyes. I can continue to see that world...and increasingly, I want to bring it to life.
Obviously, it can't be mine. Magical girls (presumably) don't actually exist much as we dream of it. Vampires presumably don't exist and if they do would have done a DARN good job at hiding it. So I can't bring it to life, literally.
But what I CAN do...is write and draw. And that's what I want to do. Increasingly more and more. I feel terrible. I don't want to give up doing my current webcomic, because it means a lot to me and I love the characters and I want to work on it and bring the characters there to light as well...but with Red Hood Rider, it's becoming so much more important to my life in such a small span of time that...I kinda feel like it'd be disrespectful to not work on it.
No, not just work on it. To bring it to life. I'm...not a talented artist. Not enough to bring it fully to life as I want to by myself. So in order to do so, I'd have to cheat. I'd have to use reference images, maybe even flat-out tracing them rather than just copying/mimicking them. I wouldn't be able to waste much time with the colors and the lighting, keeping it fairly simple. (The art style I have in mind is basically colored manga.) I'd need to force myself out of bad artistic habits (like layer overkill and fear of losing the art), and I'd need to master the program I intend to use.
Heck, I might need to wait until my birthday to see if I can get a tablet (it probably wouldn't be as a birthday gift, but if I get a hundred dollars like I did last time, well, $200 should be enough to buy a tablet SOMEWHERE), because using the mouse (especially a laptop one) only gets so far.
I will need to keep my scriptwriting in top-form. No rambling. No excessive dialog. Tight, precise witty lines. I will need to get good flow on the pages, broken up coherently and organically rather than the artificial format I've limited myself to previously.
This will be a daunting task. I am an amateur. Not a professional. Yet what I'm setting out to do would put me near par with pros. Yet it's not impossible. I know this can be done. I'm not setting unrealistic expectations. I've seen it. It's in my head. It can be done.
And I want, NEED, to make it happen. It will be tough. It will not be easy. But it must happen.
I'm not quite sure how to word this. The words aren't quite there to properly express it (curse my trouble vocalizing thoughts), so I'm not even sure where to begin.
I guess...well, with the fact that...obviously, you know if you've read my blog that Red Hood Rider has grown into an obsession of mine. I've made so many posts on it that it should be abundantly clear that I love it with a passion.
And, well...I think I figured out one of the main reasons why. Ruby was always, from the get-go, meant to be a fictionalized version of me. Ever since the first thought of a magical girl-vampire, she's been...well, ME. Except not me--a better version of me.
A more fantastical version. And I think...I think I'm so passionate about her because I want to BE her. I know it's silly to say. It's about the most cliched thing to say. On other works that I've written, I don't want to be the characters, or even live in their world. Even characters who were originally based off of me, I have no desire to actually be them.
This goes for every major work I've ever started, from my first novel to Disease to my currently-attempted webcomic. In some (especially my earlier novels), the characters looked like me, had my name, and acted as better versions of me...but I didn't actually have any particular urge to be them. I knew them to not be me, not really.
Yet with Ruby, it's different. I'm actually a bit jealous of her. All I can be is her writer. All I can be is the person who gave her life. I can't actually BE her. But what I can do is continue to see things through her, and her allies', eyes. I can continue to see that world...and increasingly, I want to bring it to life.
Obviously, it can't be mine. Magical girls (presumably) don't actually exist much as we dream of it. Vampires presumably don't exist and if they do would have done a DARN good job at hiding it. So I can't bring it to life, literally.
But what I CAN do...is write and draw. And that's what I want to do. Increasingly more and more. I feel terrible. I don't want to give up doing my current webcomic, because it means a lot to me and I love the characters and I want to work on it and bring the characters there to light as well...but with Red Hood Rider, it's becoming so much more important to my life in such a small span of time that...I kinda feel like it'd be disrespectful to not work on it.
No, not just work on it. To bring it to life. I'm...not a talented artist. Not enough to bring it fully to life as I want to by myself. So in order to do so, I'd have to cheat. I'd have to use reference images, maybe even flat-out tracing them rather than just copying/mimicking them. I wouldn't be able to waste much time with the colors and the lighting, keeping it fairly simple. (The art style I have in mind is basically colored manga.) I'd need to force myself out of bad artistic habits (like layer overkill and fear of losing the art), and I'd need to master the program I intend to use.
Heck, I might need to wait until my birthday to see if I can get a tablet (it probably wouldn't be as a birthday gift, but if I get a hundred dollars like I did last time, well, $200 should be enough to buy a tablet SOMEWHERE), because using the mouse (especially a laptop one) only gets so far.
I will need to keep my scriptwriting in top-form. No rambling. No excessive dialog. Tight, precise witty lines. I will need to get good flow on the pages, broken up coherently and organically rather than the artificial format I've limited myself to previously.
This will be a daunting task. I am an amateur. Not a professional. Yet what I'm setting out to do would put me near par with pros. Yet it's not impossible. I know this can be done. I'm not setting unrealistic expectations. I've seen it. It's in my head. It can be done.
And I want, NEED, to make it happen. It will be tough. It will not be easy. But it must happen.
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