I hate how stupid I am sometimes.

I did something today that freed a lot of the burden from my shoulders. Genuinely, before I did it I was literally in a spot of darkness, misery, anger, and utter exhaustion. I couldn't remember being happy. I was just tired in every way possible, and angry at so many things. And I wanted it to just...stop.

So I did. I did something which made it not be an issue.

And once I did it, it genuinely was a weight off our shoulders.

Immediate relief. And I mean immediate relief. Within five minutes, a flood of positive emotions.

Feeling giddy, happy, upbeat.

For the first time we can remember in weeks.
Calm, relaxed. Just, serene.

We were happy. We were free. We were good. We suddenly had the time and mindset for working out, and to actually knock out life tasks.

All good, right?

Sounds like it should've been a good thing, right?

And, well.

It certainly would have been!

...Except for one small issue.

We ADHD'd our way back into doing the same thing. It has become an obsession. A very unhealthy one at that.
We let go. We were free.
And then we weren't. Because we are stupid. We are dumb.

Even now we're thinking of that thing and it is taking every rational part of us to go, "NO. No. Bed. Not that. BED."

Which gives an idea for how bad it is. It's genuinely an addiction--and yet.

In spite of knowing how unhealthy it is, in spite of knowing how it is making this hellish week all the much worse.

We keep going back.

For god only knows what reason.

See also, we are stupid. And we hate it.