...It's pretty clear they think that there's SOMETHING in me right now that is "off".
I, uh...actually think they're right.
Because I feel the exact same way.
I feel like something's wrong with me right now.
I don't have any tangible description to it.
If this is depression, it's not a form of depression I've experienced before, at least not enough to be intimately familiar with it. (I mean, normally, when I'm depressed, I know it because I can tell. I just...can.)
But if it's not depression...what the heck IS it?
I don't know. Physical? Mental? I haven't a clue what's wrong with me.
I just know that there's something about me, which just...doesn't feel right, right now.
And I can't put my finger on what.
I have no words for this. No idea. No description. No clue.
I can't recall a single time I've felt something which I wasn't able to identify like this.
Even before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I could tell I was feeling down.
But...for this feeling, it's more like, "Am I down? Is that what's causing this? Am I depressed?"
It's not knowing. It's GUESSING. As in, "what else could it be other than depression?", guessing.
I just don't know.
And that's the scariest thing.
To have something WRONG...and not know.