All Too Human
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Rambles, Rants, and Musings

My Day So Far:

10/18/2014

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I should clarify that my day has effectively just begun, thanks yet again to my habit of waking up late after having stayed up also-late. However, I have already had rather a number of things that I consider to be blog-worthy material. I woke up today feeling rather sore in my legs, so it hurts...but it's a good hurt, because it was from my recent workout.

I also remember that one of the things I dreamed about was meeting someone who has effectively become a bit of an idol for me, Jocelyn Samara, the creator of the webcomic Rain. It was partially through reading that webcomic start to latest update (it is currently on hiatus because the author is dealing with cancer; if you can help, please do! It's more than a worthy cause) that I was able to discover my trans status. 

(I had been introduced to the culture some number of months before, which awakened lingering feelings that had been buried under layers upon layers of cultural enforcement from my upbringing, and yet, the more I began to explore, the more I found that identifying as male was unsatisfactory for me. With proddings and encouragement, I went deeper and deeper. I saw in my dreams a picture of a female person, and I wondered who it was...and eventually, I realized, "that's me...just me, as a girl." And that image slowly began replacing the image of myself as a guy in my mind, of my mental picture of myself. It culminated when I was in a car crash, and though at the time I was too much in shock to know what I was thinking, a few weeks later, I was able to remember my thought, and it was, "Oh, God. Please don't let me die before I've had the chance to discover my true self." And that was the moment I knew.)

The dream more or less went with me observing her interacting with people, and being all awesome about it. I heard her voice and it sounded nice to my ears, and there I was thinking, "she's so awesome." She was right there, in front of me, human, and yet seeming to be much more than that. I could probably go into more fangirlish descriptors of the dream I had, but I think it conveys the point. It probably isn't much like what she'd actually be like meeting in real life, but all the same, I was glad to have had the dream.

I've also been practically stalked by my (read: my sister's) cat, who seems to instinctively know the perfect timing. When I'll leave my room, when I'm about to finish my breakfast, what direction I'm going to walk through the house, and he'll be there, waiting for me, under my foot, rubbing it and lovingly asking for attention. (How could anyone ever say no?)

Additionally, I've done some HotR work. I really should describe that game to people in more detail in a future blog update, but I have a slight errand to run in there first. (The short version, it's like a Twilight of flash games: nothing special about it, and yet once you get into it, it's immensely addiction, having quite the fanbase as a result yet also a fair amount of haters. Neither side is unjustified, since the game is filled to the brim with flaws yet somehow if you can tolerate it long enough it becomes so immensely thrilling that you can't help but keep going.)
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    rBree2

    AKA:
    RangerBree2
    ​rangerbreenew

    Just your average blogger. A transwoman lesbian, with autism, adhd, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, who is plural (a polyfrag median system).

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