Heh. You know how I said David was being quiet in my head? Yeah, well, he spoke up. Our conversation more or less went,
"After all of that, you still haven't given up hope?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"I don't know, I just know it's important."
And that was enough. He didn't speak up again to neg on my lack of focus or anything. (Guess even he has his limits.) He might be a voice of negativity in my head, but even he is telling me in his own way what I need to hear: I don't know why, but it's important that I live.
I wish I knew why I must live, why I have some sort of purpose, but I don't. It's one of the factors in my despair, in fact. But I know it exists. I just need to find (or create) it.
'Course, now David's calling me a stupid piece of trash, because I'm too much of a coward to admit to the truth. Writing my thoughts out gets me closer, and it did help me a fair bit (I feel better after having written things down than before), but...I can feel the negativity flowing back in.
So while I've been able to give myself a small pep talk...I definitely need some help. It's not all bad, I know how to fight back if not consciously then subconsciously, but it's pretty grim in my brain right now.
"After all of that, you still haven't given up hope?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"I don't know, I just know it's important."
And that was enough. He didn't speak up again to neg on my lack of focus or anything. (Guess even he has his limits.) He might be a voice of negativity in my head, but even he is telling me in his own way what I need to hear: I don't know why, but it's important that I live.
I wish I knew why I must live, why I have some sort of purpose, but I don't. It's one of the factors in my despair, in fact. But I know it exists. I just need to find (or create) it.
'Course, now David's calling me a stupid piece of trash, because I'm too much of a coward to admit to the truth. Writing my thoughts out gets me closer, and it did help me a fair bit (I feel better after having written things down than before), but...I can feel the negativity flowing back in.
So while I've been able to give myself a small pep talk...I definitely need some help. It's not all bad, I know how to fight back if not consciously then subconsciously, but it's pretty grim in my brain right now.
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