January 2nd it goes to because I already know I won't be doing it again today.
You have no clue what's going on in my mind and I honestly don't think you should.
I'm not okay. Not alright.
The words aren't coming to me.
Normally when I am in this zone I can put words to it.
This time I can't.
And I am just.
Feeling crushed right now.
And the sad thing is I feel I deserve even worse than this.
I am trash.
A lousy person.
A terrible person.
Someone who is everything that you shouldn't be if you're a positive healthy person who means well.
Except I don't.
And I deserve to suffer because of it.
And yet the pain.
It hurts and it won't go away.
And it's just.