So I figured I had more to talk about than complain about the downsides of a quite frankly privileged life, leading me to begin writing this. I'll start with something I suspected back on Wednesday, had my suspicions grow yesterday, and had confirmed today: the reason for my sleepiness is in fact that I'm sick.
It's nothing serious. The main symptom is my nose being more runny than normal. (I get runny noses all the time even when not sick, mainly after eating food. Family curse.) And maybe sneezing slightly more than normal. (I sneeze all the time even when not sick, especially after eating food or contact with sunlight. Much stronger family curse. Blame genetics.)
But I've noticed a minor, weak, occasional dry cough, different from my normal not-sick (fairly wet) cough. (I cough even when not sick, to clear the accumulated junk in my throat. Yeah, I think you can see why I don't really recognize being sick until I'm sick; most of the common symptoms are things that my body naturally, harmlessly, without any viruses causing problems, will do.) I'm talking an average of less than one cough an hour. Maybe even three or four. (So, 3/6/12 a day would be my guess.) Unless I agitate it, with things like laughter or the wrong emphasis in speech.
So not a definite giveaway. But a sign. The true tell is my throat. It's not sore...but it's getting there. (Edit: much stronger, in fact.) Pre-sore-throat. To describe it, nothing hurts/agitates/bothers the throat (edit: still true, so still not yet a full sore throat, but getting there). However, while food goes down just fine, it's tender to the touch of water, meaning I feel it every time I swallow, albeit subtly and so minorly that it's almost not a problem. (Edit: getting worse, though.) It's beginning to feel like a clump, yet isn't yet one. (Edit: okay, so while the clump's not fully complete yet, I'd say it's more a clump than not a clump at this point.)
So basically, yes I'm sick, but it's so minor as to be almost nonexistent. (Edit: still consider this true, by the way. Minor sore throat is nothing serious. Other symptoms faded, too, so it's just the throat to watch.) The main thing I need to counter it is sleep, lots of it, which I got frustratingly little of last night (probably the reason for the sickness)--and not through lack of trying. I went to bed at 12:30. Half an hour window to fall asleep is plenty, no?
...As it turns out, "No" is exactly right, because it wasn't. (Ironically enough, one of the things that bothered me was the dilemma between hour-early, hour-late I had this morning, since it was during this time last night I thought of it. Blasted unnecessary paranoia, making me worry for nothing.)
My watch alarm beeping at 1:00 told me I'd wasted half an hour trying. The watch alarm wasn't interrupting anything. (It's too quiet to do that, anyway. My mind's numbed it out. The only time I can hear it is when my hearing's super-sensitive...which it can only be if I am fully awake.)
I was wide awake the entire half hour, thinking at an entirely normal way and rate, with only willpower keeping my eyelids shut. (In fact, they may have opened a couple of times. The urge to look was strong, but I kept them shut saying, "Shut up! You need to sleep! So don't open your eyes, idiot!" ...No luck.)
I just...could. not. get. to. sleep. It was one of THOSE nights. I'm sure we've all had them, so you know the type. Where no matter the strategy, you simply cannot rest. Where you feel like you sense everything around you in real-time, an indicator of not-sleeping-at-all. I felt like I never fell asleep at all, even though the dreams I had tell me I eventually managed somehow. (Was still fairly restless, though.) The dreams were nice, though I've forgotten why, yet I knew once my mom woke me up, I needed more.
The half-hour nap I took was ten times more restful, but that's probably thanks to the things I was thinking/dreaming about. (Not sure which. I had more control than in most dreams, but had at times a clearly altered mindset with me phasing out of this world, losing awareness of my surroundings, the feeling I didn't get during the night, like a dream.)
Basically, I rotated through three situations. I briefly covered the 'realistic' (note the marks) one, "What if I, a short time ago, had begun actively transitioning?". In it, I covered the logistics of it, when the most probable point would be, and such. This being fantasy, though, my family was there to support the change. (I say "realistic", because it's realistic in comparison to the other two. No way would my family ever be as loving and caring as dream-them was.)
The second one was a, "What if I suddenly became a girl?" scenario. Obviously, I would be happy. That's what I want, after all. I hate my body, and fully, truly, wish I was born a girl rather than a guy. Problem with this wish is...well, it's in our world that I see it. Not some world where magic is common like the Rubyverse. As in, a world where (as far as we know) there are no magical powers at all. And suddenly, magically, I'm a girl.
How would everyone react to the sudden, magical, change, when magic doesn't even exist? (Outside of, apparently, existing long enough to grant my wish to be a biological girl.) I'd be the same person, only happier. Yet how could I ever explain my situation to people? (This plus the above one is good training, though, because there's an obvious real-life parallel, because in effect, ideally, this is what actually would happen. So it was a good exercise to run my mind through a bit.)
The third sort-of remedied that problem, but introduced a new one in the process, by instead acting as a RetCon: "What if I was granted my wish of being born female, but retained all my (male) memories prior to the point I made the wish?" a la, the Misfile situation, only instead of an unwanted accident, something intentional and desired. (Sort-of.) That one was fairly interesting, and I basically covered how my life would be similar and different, with me as a fairly masculine (but still having plenty of feminine aspects) young lady.
Was definitely a fun escape from the harsh reality that is my true life. Anyway, that typed up, it's sleepytimez.
(Edit: having gone through my second nap of the day, my sore throat has gotten worse, but other symptoms improved. I had a few good dreams, but the only one I can remember is the actor who played Commander Riker in Star Trek--his name slips my mind right now--doing commentary, basically introducing us to a 1994 Independent Film called Starbuck, and the commentary he was doing was basically on the basic premise of the film, how it covers the borders between reality and fiction, with graphics involving video games, but him stating there's more to it than that. In hindsight, that dream was...fairly meta, all things considered. Enjoyed it, but now I need to take a third nap to see if I can beat the cold entirely.)
It's nothing serious. The main symptom is my nose being more runny than normal. (I get runny noses all the time even when not sick, mainly after eating food. Family curse.) And maybe sneezing slightly more than normal. (I sneeze all the time even when not sick, especially after eating food or contact with sunlight. Much stronger family curse. Blame genetics.)
But I've noticed a minor, weak, occasional dry cough, different from my normal not-sick (fairly wet) cough. (I cough even when not sick, to clear the accumulated junk in my throat. Yeah, I think you can see why I don't really recognize being sick until I'm sick; most of the common symptoms are things that my body naturally, harmlessly, without any viruses causing problems, will do.) I'm talking an average of less than one cough an hour. Maybe even three or four. (So, 3/6/12 a day would be my guess.) Unless I agitate it, with things like laughter or the wrong emphasis in speech.
So not a definite giveaway. But a sign. The true tell is my throat. It's not sore...but it's getting there. (Edit: much stronger, in fact.) Pre-sore-throat. To describe it, nothing hurts/agitates/bothers the throat (edit: still true, so still not yet a full sore throat, but getting there). However, while food goes down just fine, it's tender to the touch of water, meaning I feel it every time I swallow, albeit subtly and so minorly that it's almost not a problem. (Edit: getting worse, though.) It's beginning to feel like a clump, yet isn't yet one. (Edit: okay, so while the clump's not fully complete yet, I'd say it's more a clump than not a clump at this point.)
So basically, yes I'm sick, but it's so minor as to be almost nonexistent. (Edit: still consider this true, by the way. Minor sore throat is nothing serious. Other symptoms faded, too, so it's just the throat to watch.) The main thing I need to counter it is sleep, lots of it, which I got frustratingly little of last night (probably the reason for the sickness)--and not through lack of trying. I went to bed at 12:30. Half an hour window to fall asleep is plenty, no?
...As it turns out, "No" is exactly right, because it wasn't. (Ironically enough, one of the things that bothered me was the dilemma between hour-early, hour-late I had this morning, since it was during this time last night I thought of it. Blasted unnecessary paranoia, making me worry for nothing.)
My watch alarm beeping at 1:00 told me I'd wasted half an hour trying. The watch alarm wasn't interrupting anything. (It's too quiet to do that, anyway. My mind's numbed it out. The only time I can hear it is when my hearing's super-sensitive...which it can only be if I am fully awake.)
I was wide awake the entire half hour, thinking at an entirely normal way and rate, with only willpower keeping my eyelids shut. (In fact, they may have opened a couple of times. The urge to look was strong, but I kept them shut saying, "Shut up! You need to sleep! So don't open your eyes, idiot!" ...No luck.)
I just...could. not. get. to. sleep. It was one of THOSE nights. I'm sure we've all had them, so you know the type. Where no matter the strategy, you simply cannot rest. Where you feel like you sense everything around you in real-time, an indicator of not-sleeping-at-all. I felt like I never fell asleep at all, even though the dreams I had tell me I eventually managed somehow. (Was still fairly restless, though.) The dreams were nice, though I've forgotten why, yet I knew once my mom woke me up, I needed more.
The half-hour nap I took was ten times more restful, but that's probably thanks to the things I was thinking/dreaming about. (Not sure which. I had more control than in most dreams, but had at times a clearly altered mindset with me phasing out of this world, losing awareness of my surroundings, the feeling I didn't get during the night, like a dream.)
Basically, I rotated through three situations. I briefly covered the 'realistic' (note the marks) one, "What if I, a short time ago, had begun actively transitioning?". In it, I covered the logistics of it, when the most probable point would be, and such. This being fantasy, though, my family was there to support the change. (I say "realistic", because it's realistic in comparison to the other two. No way would my family ever be as loving and caring as dream-them was.)
The second one was a, "What if I suddenly became a girl?" scenario. Obviously, I would be happy. That's what I want, after all. I hate my body, and fully, truly, wish I was born a girl rather than a guy. Problem with this wish is...well, it's in our world that I see it. Not some world where magic is common like the Rubyverse. As in, a world where (as far as we know) there are no magical powers at all. And suddenly, magically, I'm a girl.
How would everyone react to the sudden, magical, change, when magic doesn't even exist? (Outside of, apparently, existing long enough to grant my wish to be a biological girl.) I'd be the same person, only happier. Yet how could I ever explain my situation to people? (This plus the above one is good training, though, because there's an obvious real-life parallel, because in effect, ideally, this is what actually would happen. So it was a good exercise to run my mind through a bit.)
The third sort-of remedied that problem, but introduced a new one in the process, by instead acting as a RetCon: "What if I was granted my wish of being born female, but retained all my (male) memories prior to the point I made the wish?" a la, the Misfile situation, only instead of an unwanted accident, something intentional and desired. (Sort-of.) That one was fairly interesting, and I basically covered how my life would be similar and different, with me as a fairly masculine (but still having plenty of feminine aspects) young lady.
Was definitely a fun escape from the harsh reality that is my true life. Anyway, that typed up, it's sleepytimez.
(Edit: having gone through my second nap of the day, my sore throat has gotten worse, but other symptoms improved. I had a few good dreams, but the only one I can remember is the actor who played Commander Riker in Star Trek--his name slips my mind right now--doing commentary, basically introducing us to a 1994 Independent Film called Starbuck, and the commentary he was doing was basically on the basic premise of the film, how it covers the borders between reality and fiction, with graphics involving video games, but him stating there's more to it than that. In hindsight, that dream was...fairly meta, all things considered. Enjoyed it, but now I need to take a third nap to see if I can beat the cold entirely.)
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