All Too Human
All Too Human
  • Blog
  • Red Hood Rider

Rambles, Rants, and Musings

NOT in a good mood.

6/5/2016

0 Comments

 
I'm mad.
Very, very, VERY mad.
Seriously ticked off, mad.
I spend a whole hour, at minimum.
ONE. WHOLE. HOUR.
Typing up a beautiful blog post.
It was magnificent.
It was finished!

All it needed was a title!
I thought I had even copy-pasted it as a precaution!
But apparently, that didn't take.
And you know what happened?

Weebly, while I was in the blog post editor, decided, for SOME reason, "oh, your session is expired, let's throw out what you're doing and force you to log in again, it couldn't have been that important now could it?"

It's not like I poured out significant time into it or anything.

OH WAIT.
I DID.

I. WAS. LITERALLY. SECONDS. SECONDS. SECONDS. S E C O N D S! FROM. POSTING. MY. ENTRY.
Not minutes.
Not, "oh, let's make this one change here and there".
SECONDS.
And it's all gone.
All of it.

THAT TOOK TIME TO WRITE.

It was well-written.
It had a nice flow to it.
I emptied the details from my brain, fully confident that, now in text, I wouldn't need them up here. I dumped it all in there.

And now.

GONE.

uiapejfp93q84fuj439p8fgjuviav9iweajiw3jmf93pgijmp9qijgv9ivnieaaaaaaagjuighjuhhhggggggggi94gSJFHIJFIES!!!!!

Nothing like this.
Nothing.
Has ever happened before.
So how was I to expect complete and total disaster?

I'm just...not in the mood for continuing right now.
I know. That's kind-of selfish. I'll have to retell the detail about my mouth. (In hindsight, that part was a little bit squicky to be without a trigger warning anyway, so next time I'll make sure I have one.) I'll have to retell the details of the Rubyverse one by one. Things covered in my now-lost second entry. I'll have to save the third for another time.

I should be restarting while the knowledge is fresh. About the registration, about the draft, about villains, about superheroes in war, about black ops, about medics, about the loophole abuse, about it all.

But.

The mood is gone.
Right now, there's a war in my mind. Apathy on one part. Rage in another. Desire to continue anyway and let this blog be a segue into it as yet one more. Sadness also is there. All in all, there's that heavy siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
Part of me wants to call me a quitter for this.
That same part says I'm giving up.
Maybe it's right.
But...while there's a large part of me that doesn't want to give up...
...There's another part of me that does.

And...I just don't think I can redo it all right now.
I could, in theory.
I can force my muse to make it, overcome all the (correct) assertions that what I'd write would be a pale imitation to the lost original.
But...I don't think I'd be able to succeed, and even if I could.
I just...don't want to.

I need a break from blogging, to do...something...something else, not this.
Because this frustration, it's just...AHG.

That moment when the very thing you were doing for comfort becomes a source of pain?
That moment when the thing meant as a stress relief is now causing extreme amounts of it, along with the following anger?

That's this moment, right now.
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    rangerbreenew

    Just your average blogger.
    ​
    Twitter
    ​TikTok

    Archives

    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    August 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014

    Categories

    All
    Art
    Autism
    Dancing
    Depression
    Dream
    Family Night
    Games
    Gender Dysphoria
    Health
    Love
    Misophonia
    Past Midnight
    Phyrra And Cyrus
    Plural
    Ramble
    Red Hood Rider
    Religion
    Rider
    Rubyverse
    Saturdays
    School
    Sleep
    Song
    Story
    Sundays
    Tae Kwon Do
    Trans
    Work

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.