All Too Human
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Rambles, Rants, and Musings

Novel News III:

5/26/2016

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You know, it really says something about the previous draft when I'm deliberately ADDING content, as in, deliberately putting in extra stuff I strictly speaking don't need...and yet, I'm using up LESS space than the previous draft did.

I'm not actually cutting out any info, either. I'm looking at what the words are saying, and simply not using all of those various redundancies. The ironic thing is...breaking my story up with bunches of third person is something I wanted to do ages ago and even tried three or four times.

In my writing youth, they were epic fails, breaking the pacing and ultimately being so unwieldy that I had to scrap the entire concept, scrap the entire draft, and frankly lost all the time effort and work I put into those versions because they were beyond salvation. But now, in my maturity, I'm doing the exact same thing...and it FITS!

It maaaaaaaaaaaay still break the flow a BIT, but I think it helps to emphasize further that we're following the thoughts of a person, as in, we're in first person for a reason, and that we could exit it at any time. (The given intention.) There is still a bit of a quality drop between the prologue and the first chapter, but that's inevitable. I have to sacrifice SOME poetry in order to actually advance the story forward.

Basically, the story's going perfectly. I've got a little bit of work to do because I'm about to embark on an ambitious reordering of events (meaning, skipping ahead to a part which was later, and restructuring things so that the earlier content fits in later, since that makes more logical sense), so that's a bit stressful, but nothing I can't handle.

What's mostly concerning me right now isn't my writing. It's me. My left shoulder is absolutely KILLING me right now. It's hurt like this before, but the last time it was this bad was way back when I was running track/cross-country, because my shoulder naturally lifts up and over prolonged distances that causes fatigue. Yet...I haven't traveled long distances, and that shoulder problem is something that I've learned to fix and have actively done so.

I've monitored my shoulder every day. It still shifts up every once and a while when my posture (terrible as it may naturally be) gets at its absolute worst, but for the most part, I absolutely KNOW it's where it's supposed to be, and yet, it is hurting BAD. For no discernible reason.

Even worse though is the pain on my right hand--specifically, a zone of great worry, JUST above where my hand meets my wrist on the outside, the pinkie side. You may know that zone well. It's the default carpal tunnel zone, and my family DOES have a history of it, and as a writer AND artist I know my tendons are incredibly vulnerable and this is not the first time this has happened.

Worse is that if so, there's not much I can really do about it. Writing and drawing are, quite literally, my life. I can eat for a few hours, I can sleep for a few hours, I can do some activities for a few hours on select days (TKD, dancing), I can play games a little bit (but I get bored easily; why do you think I'm writing in the first place? I got tired of doing nothing!), I can watch TV when there's something worth watching (there isn't right now), I can watch a movie when others do...

...But really! Everything I do revolves around either writing or drawing. And of the two, writing's generally the LESS stressful one on my hand.

So I'm incredibly frustrated right now. This is literally the worst time for that to start popping up. And there's absolutely nothing that can be done about it. Rest? Drives me insane, as discussed above. Splint? Very hard to maintain and doesn't even work very well. Painkillers? God I hope I never have to use them. If I did, it'd be purely to prevent damage, because I can live with the pain; it's irreversibly screwing my hand up I'm worried about. Injections? Temporary solution which can only be done three times total. Surgery? Can't afford it and that's a bit extreme anyway.

For being a physical problem, which, you know, you'd think we'd have down (mental problems are more understandable to not know about), it sure isn't something which looks like we have a good grasp on. Then again, given the back problem my younger sister has which absolutely NOBODY can identify the problem for, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.

But gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I can live with the pain. I'm a tough girl. I have a high tolerance for pain naturally. Even when tested, this is a pain I know well thanks to how often I've experienced it. Even if the pain does make me absolutely miserable, pain by itself doesn't stop me.

...Yet consequences OF the pain? THAT can stop me. Pain is usually the body telling you about a problem. (Which is why I don't believe in taking painkillers for just killing pain: that's treating the symptom, not the root cause.) I don't know what the results of a damaged tendon are, but if it's something like, say, losing the ability to use my fingers or something like that...obviously, not something I want!

Probably demonstrating my lack of medical knowledge here, but I think you get where I'm coming from. I don't care about pain. I don't care about lifelong pain. I don't care if the pain gets worse. I don't care if the pain would continue to get worse.

What I care about is if the pain is warning me of something that could have actual dangerous results from ignoring.
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    rBree2

    AKA:
    RangerBree2
    ​rangerbreenew

    Just your average blogger. A transwoman lesbian, with autism, adhd, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, who is plural (a polyfrag median system).

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