Gah, I'm such a stupid idiot. I'm deeply, deeply angry at myself, frustrated, agitated, and especially embarrassed at this. But I missed a staff meeting. It's probably not a big deal, but...ack. I have one of the higher attendance rates, and in general they know I'm a devoted employee, butstill...AHG!
You have no clue how much paranoia is running through my head. Anxiety, fear of "what if"s, and whatnot. I'm just worried deeply, and even though I know it's probably not a big deal, that feeling's not going away. Yet even if I literally have to do nothing...The punishment I'm inflicting on myself is far, FAR worse. I pride myself on not only always being there, but also being there early. And now? Now, I not only missed the meeting, but also gained nothing from having done so!
You know what I was doing yesterday? Zilch. Nadda. Absolutely nothing. Not a thing of importance. Zero. My mom was on the desktop all day, only getting off at about 9:30...AKA, about the time I would have been back from the staff meeting! Stars aligned such that I literally had no reason NOT to go...and yet, I didn't!
There I was, thinking I had nothing to do...all because I forgot! It was stupid. I mean, I have a guess for why it didn't register, that being, I've gotten into a routine of using the desktop for Movie Night and, by extension, talking to my CF friends during that time and warning them of any planned absences, a week in advance or the day of if not. And my mom broke that, by using the computer last week and this week, preventing me from having said routine.
...But even that's an incredibly-lame excuse! It's just...grrr. WHY DO I SUCK?!?
You have no clue how much paranoia is running through my head. Anxiety, fear of "what if"s, and whatnot. I'm just worried deeply, and even though I know it's probably not a big deal, that feeling's not going away. Yet even if I literally have to do nothing...The punishment I'm inflicting on myself is far, FAR worse. I pride myself on not only always being there, but also being there early. And now? Now, I not only missed the meeting, but also gained nothing from having done so!
You know what I was doing yesterday? Zilch. Nadda. Absolutely nothing. Not a thing of importance. Zero. My mom was on the desktop all day, only getting off at about 9:30...AKA, about the time I would have been back from the staff meeting! Stars aligned such that I literally had no reason NOT to go...and yet, I didn't!
There I was, thinking I had nothing to do...all because I forgot! It was stupid. I mean, I have a guess for why it didn't register, that being, I've gotten into a routine of using the desktop for Movie Night and, by extension, talking to my CF friends during that time and warning them of any planned absences, a week in advance or the day of if not. And my mom broke that, by using the computer last week and this week, preventing me from having said routine.
...But even that's an incredibly-lame excuse! It's just...grrr. WHY DO I SUCK?!?
RSS Feed
