All Too Human
All Too Human
  • Blog
  • Red Hood Rider

Rambles, Rants, and Musings

Past Midnight, Shut Up, I Know XII

12/21/2014

0 Comments

 
So today was shopping. My sisters and I went shopping for our Christmas gifts to members of the family...including to each other. I found the experience rather awkward, considering it's my first time. I jumped straight into jewelry, without a clue what I was looking for and when I selected something, vaguely hoping against all hope I did good.

Then, I got to help my older sister shop for our younger sister. No comments on what we ended up getting her, obviously, but I'd like to note that at one point when comparing colors, she asked me what I thought. I told her, truthfully, that I'd just wear any of them because the color is the color and the exact match doesn't matter to me.

It was the follow-through that hurt, given that she said, "Well, if you were a girl."

This, after a similar comment about how I had said I am not very fashion-inclined, and she said it's understandable since I'm a guy.

She has no clue.

Absolutely none.

But those words dig deep. It hurts--it really, really does. This is going to be the first vacation I actually dread. Last time, I might have suspected I wasn't the same gender as my physical sex, but I didn't know for sure. This year, I do...and now I'm going to have to survive seven days, in close (rather than loose) proximity to them all...basically, trapped and afraid.

I'm...honestly a bit scared. With such intimate contact for so long a time...what if something slips? Especially since my feelings have been growing all that much stronger? As I grow more assured, as I grow more confident...so too do I grow more afraid of what awaits if I simply can't hold back anymore.

The thought of being a homeless hobo, wandering the wilderness of Oregon with quite literally nothing comes to mind.

But I try to push it aside. Today, after the shopping, was The Hobbit, and from there, straight home to family night, thus, why I'm so late making a blog entry. (Work will suck tomorrow.)
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    rangerbreenew

    Just your average blogger.
    ​
    Twitter
    ​TikTok

    Archives

    January 2021
    December 2020
    August 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014

    Categories

    All
    Art
    Autism
    Dancing
    Depression
    Dream
    Family Night
    Games
    Gender Dysphoria
    Health
    Love
    Misophonia
    Past Midnight
    Phyrra And Cyrus
    Plural
    Ramble
    Red Hood Rider
    Religion
    Rider
    Rubyverse
    Saturdays
    School
    Sleep
    Song
    Story
    Sundays
    Tae Kwon Do
    Trans
    Work

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.