So what was the thing? Not much, really, just a weird experience. I didn't have much time between eating supper and the shows, having only half an hour. Being dead-tired, as always, I decided to do something I don't usually do, though: take a nap, on the couch. Normally, with a full crowd out there and over such a such duration, nothing productive comes from it.
...This one did. I had a lucid dream in my nap. I basically had a shadow in front of me, which I can best describe as being that of a giant ant. I thought it was cast from behind me, so turning around, for brief seconds, I thought I could see a small ant, but then I couldn't, and yet the presence (now behind me) had grown much stronger, lingering directly over me.
And the weird thing? My body was tingling. As in, I could feel something. Something that didn't feel physical, nor mental, nor emotional, but that my body could feel being real, and I'd loosely call that as "spiritual". It honestly kinda felt like what you might call a possession. I even asked the entity as much, but upon me making this declaration, I was jolted awake.
...Not a nightmare, no. But it was...weird. It felt so real. Yes, I know, gigantic antlike thing should make me know it wasn't, but it did kinda feel like I had a lingering sensation left in me even after the dream had ended. And laugh all you want, but something about me is that to some extent, I actually do believe in that supernatural stuff existing in some form or another.
Just because our current understanding of science can't explain such entities doesn't mean they don't exist, after all, since it also can't prove they do not. To you, it might seem silly to believe in ghosts or other otherworldly entities, but while I firmly believe that accounts of them are exaggerated, I actually have always secretly (albeit publicly mocking) felt they were real, somehow. Like, somewhere deep down inside of me, I felt that they existed as a real thing.
Not just ghosts, but other entities. (Some which can be called gods, others demons, some Eldridge abominations, with maybe an occasional rare angel.) I have an online friend deeply involved in the occult, and said friend could probably explain the concept better, but basically, I hold a bit of a unique belief in otherworldly, spiritual entities that do exist, just not in the physical, material way we typically define existence, and that it's generally only in rare circumstances that said interaction takes place. In short, I believe that our true selves can represent a bit of our spirit selves, so to speak, and that born from our spirit selves is a realm that's weird and yet exists, a sort-of dreamspace if you will.
And I now sound like a crazy nut. A lunatic.
...To be fair, I am, pretty blatantly, but I generally at least try to hide it. Like I said, the average person probably doesn't believe in such hocus-pocus bogus. And I'm not even giving it justice in my description. (Which is a shame, since while the beliefs of others may be close, my belief is my own.) Thus, why it's fairly easy to mock, especially given how much I insist that I just "feel" it's real. But, well...I did. I do. I just have always felt that sort of thing, in spite of all logic saying otherwise, is not fiction, but just a not-yet-known form of science of sorts.
To be not quite ghostbusters, but not mere ghosthunters, being 'ghost'interacters. It sounds silly, and yes it probably is. By all accounts I shouldn't believe in such nonsense. But I can't help it. Deep down on my most fundamental level, I'm just too spiritual not to. (Note that my belief in such things is not mutually exclusive with thoughts of, say, an afterlife. The concepts actually augment each other: if there IS such a thing as a realm where phantom entities exist, and humans' spiritual forms--which can be a little bit beastly or can be fairly human and can be weak or godly-powered according to my occult friend--then it supports the idea that we have souls. Nor is it mutually inclusive, though, because just because there'd be a spirit realm doesn't mean there'd be an afterlife where our souls would be destined for. The two are separate beliefs. Afterlife which I hope to be real but neither disbelieve nor believe, and spirit realm which I feel is real in spite of logically knowing I'm spewing insanity.)
It actually has quite a large place in a fair number of my stories as a result, though a number of said stories I keep in my head. But it's there, all the same. That belief in something that should get me laughed at because there's no evidence it's anything other than occult indoctrination is part of who I am. Mainly expressed through stories, so largely hidden from public view, but occasionally coming out in moments such as the lucid dream where I almost felt possessed.
...I'm really not describing things fairly well, because I'm struggling to find the words to convey the concepts. I'm basically trying to explain to rational minds why I'm mostly rational aside from the oddity, but the oddity is something that defies description to the point where I can't really explain it, making it seem like it's a far bigger thing than it is.
Soyeah, you can call me a crazy lady now. It's one thing to hold superstitions. (Which I hold plenty of, mind you.) It's entirely another to believe in the supernatural. The more I talk about it, the more awkward it's becoming, because I keep on feeling I'm sending the wrong impression here.
Ah, well. You can just write it off as one of my quirks.