So today, I said I'd elaborate on my depression. Aside from the obvious not getting work done, there's the classical symptoms I'm also displaying: heavily getting distracted on trivial things, the urge to play games instead of work, the musical muse inside of me being RIDICULOUSLY active, it's all there.
It's even worse than normal, actually. Even my subconscious is depressed. My dreams as of recently have all been fairly dark. Main characters would die, often pointlessly, and sometimes, were flat-out giving up on life. These dreams have been fairly violent, often with downer or at best bittersweet endings to them. They even feature shooting the shaggy dog moments, where hope is built, a setback is given, the characters struggle to reach the next objective, but fail, and so on, until a final end comes, which is often one of the scenarios I talked about, including a downer ending.
Now, mind you. As far as creative juices go, this can cause great storytelling. Some of my best story ideas have been spawned from the darkest depths of my imagination. Heck! My current novel runs on a fairly dark world. Butstill...
It's not a pleasant place to be.
Right now, frankly the only thing keeping me from playing Majesty (my latest gaming urge) is the inability for me to do so, since 1, I can't locate either of our Majesty disks, and 2, even if I could some sneaky windows update disabled the ability to do so. (As in, Majesty was working just fine for YEARS on all our machines, then one day, on vacation, both myself and my brother tried using it. Both of us using the same computers we had used, which had played the game fine for years, and yet suddenly, inexplicably, the game refused to run.) The latter, now with internet access (which we lacked at the time), is something I could maybe possibly troubleshoot. But with the former, I can't.
Oh well. At least I'm not readdicted to Civilization III Conquests. Which can, and has, eaten up days of my time. (I did have a brief relapse where I played the Mesopotamian campaign again, this time as the Sumerians instead of Persians, on one higher difficulty level, blowing my previous score out of the water, but I stopped myself there. Once through each campaign was enough.)
Soyeah.
Depression. It sucks.
It's even worse than normal, actually. Even my subconscious is depressed. My dreams as of recently have all been fairly dark. Main characters would die, often pointlessly, and sometimes, were flat-out giving up on life. These dreams have been fairly violent, often with downer or at best bittersweet endings to them. They even feature shooting the shaggy dog moments, where hope is built, a setback is given, the characters struggle to reach the next objective, but fail, and so on, until a final end comes, which is often one of the scenarios I talked about, including a downer ending.
Now, mind you. As far as creative juices go, this can cause great storytelling. Some of my best story ideas have been spawned from the darkest depths of my imagination. Heck! My current novel runs on a fairly dark world. Butstill...
It's not a pleasant place to be.
Right now, frankly the only thing keeping me from playing Majesty (my latest gaming urge) is the inability for me to do so, since 1, I can't locate either of our Majesty disks, and 2, even if I could some sneaky windows update disabled the ability to do so. (As in, Majesty was working just fine for YEARS on all our machines, then one day, on vacation, both myself and my brother tried using it. Both of us using the same computers we had used, which had played the game fine for years, and yet suddenly, inexplicably, the game refused to run.) The latter, now with internet access (which we lacked at the time), is something I could maybe possibly troubleshoot. But with the former, I can't.
Oh well. At least I'm not readdicted to Civilization III Conquests. Which can, and has, eaten up days of my time. (I did have a brief relapse where I played the Mesopotamian campaign again, this time as the Sumerians instead of Persians, on one higher difficulty level, blowing my previous score out of the water, but I stopped myself there. Once through each campaign was enough.)
Soyeah.
Depression. It sucks.
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