All Too Human
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Rambles, Rants, and Musings

Today Sucks.

11/3/2014

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You know that presentation I said I'd need an all-nighter to finish? Well, I eventually decided that I'd sacrifice polish for sleep, and would wing it. Given that I only got 3.5 hours or so of sleep, that may or may not have been the right move. I had every line I wanted to say for my presentation written down, explicitly so that I wouldn't stutter, that I wouldn't lose my place, that I would say everything and have room for extra.

...I lost my way anyway. I was off-time, I left out a ton of facts, I wasn't as engaged as I should have been, I messed up things I was trying to say, I repeated things a lot, it was an entire mess. In theory, I was able to pull it together. My group made a presentation that could have worked. I was hopeful. I was thinking, thank goodness, I actually managed to do it. I was thinking...we stood a chance of it actually being a strong presentation.

...Yet I felt like I blew it, and I also feel as if we as a group kind-of fell flat.

Speaking of things going bad, my body still doesn't feel great today. The best way I can describe this not-feeling-well feeling is that it's not the sickness people think of. The sickness of the common cold is respiratory. It manifests in the nose, the throat, and the lungs, and when we think sick, we think that. We might attribute lack of energy to that, and maybe also a lack of appetite, but if so, not strongly so. Yet what I have feels like it's all my organs except my lungs. Everything from my stomach below on my digestive tract feels "off". My heart seems to be influenced as well. An entire lack of energy is present, yet not a lack of appetite.

For me, the best way I have to describe it is that, it's like I ate something bad, yet instead of taking the standard 24-48 or so hours to go through my body, it is staying there for half a week. It's just...not a good feeling. It's incredibly hard to describe. I don't feel sick in any traditional sense of being sick. Yet I don't feel well. My skin was paler than normal today, and while I was intentionally going a bit easy in kickboxing, my body was acting as if I had not held back. No feelings describe it. It's not like it's even actively disturbing me. It's just that whenever I try to do something, it goes from not really sucking to suddenly making me not feel well.

Soyeah. Not a fun day.
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