Double-shift again. Kinda (selfishly, I'll admit) makes me wish there was more reward out of it than double work hours meaning double the day, and a "thank you" card, owing to how much of a drain and how last-minute the request it was. Like...I'm being a little bit bitter and frankly a jerk right now, selfish and rude about the whole experience, even though as far as double-shifts go, this one was really, really mild. (No extreme amount of work.)
I guess it's just that working all day wasn't what I had planned, so when I was asked to, well...I wanted to say no, so badly. There would've been no consequences to me having done so. I could have instead said I could take part of it; that'd have probably gone over just as well as taking the whole thing, while leaving me with a significant part of my day to be mine.
Yet...I really didn't have a good reason to say "no", and while I'm a bitter girl right now, because my negativity is overwhelming me right now thanks to drained batteries, fact remains that overall, I'm still far more nice than I am not, so whenever I can, I do in fact volunteer to help out and offer my services willingly.
So while there was a hesitation, I did say "yes". Nothing really happened there to make me be so sour; it really is just the whole length of the day and the utter exhaustion it added up to which gets me. Because, when you factor in that I desperately needed to take a nap (and did so) after work, I basically woke up at 8 PM. The day fully gone, and not a thing but my paycheck to show for it. Not even mafia, not even a story, literally just work and sleep and food squished in-between both.
I'm sorry. I generally try not to let the more negative thoughts be my blog post content for the day. I'll rant at things going wrong all the time, but that's ranting. Letting out this brand of hostility isn't simple ranting; it's harmful thoughts given physical form, the whole "words will hurt people" thing. Ranting's fine because it's showing anger and frustration at things like, say, computer failure. But this? It's just an ugly side of my persona that I really don't like letting out in the open, yet here we are.
So again, I apologize. It largely has to do with how I was planning to spend my time today; I was actually going to draw for Red Hood Rider, but now it's not only late, but my mood to do so has been killed by the long day. I just had my energy drained. Sometimes, I really hate being me. The type of person who's smart enough to know that generosity is often a thankless job which gives nothing (to the person giving) and takes a lot (from the person giving), and yet is stupid enough to do it anyway because of some silly belief that being selfless is worth it.
I just let out a large sigh when writing this, so I think I've gotten it off my chest. Ahg, I kinda want to delete this post for just how cynical and pessimistic it is, but if anyone's read this blog, they know me well enough to know I won't do that. This is a part of me, albeit a highly undesirable piece of it, so I might as well show it off.
I guess it's just that working all day wasn't what I had planned, so when I was asked to, well...I wanted to say no, so badly. There would've been no consequences to me having done so. I could have instead said I could take part of it; that'd have probably gone over just as well as taking the whole thing, while leaving me with a significant part of my day to be mine.
Yet...I really didn't have a good reason to say "no", and while I'm a bitter girl right now, because my negativity is overwhelming me right now thanks to drained batteries, fact remains that overall, I'm still far more nice than I am not, so whenever I can, I do in fact volunteer to help out and offer my services willingly.
So while there was a hesitation, I did say "yes". Nothing really happened there to make me be so sour; it really is just the whole length of the day and the utter exhaustion it added up to which gets me. Because, when you factor in that I desperately needed to take a nap (and did so) after work, I basically woke up at 8 PM. The day fully gone, and not a thing but my paycheck to show for it. Not even mafia, not even a story, literally just work and sleep and food squished in-between both.
I'm sorry. I generally try not to let the more negative thoughts be my blog post content for the day. I'll rant at things going wrong all the time, but that's ranting. Letting out this brand of hostility isn't simple ranting; it's harmful thoughts given physical form, the whole "words will hurt people" thing. Ranting's fine because it's showing anger and frustration at things like, say, computer failure. But this? It's just an ugly side of my persona that I really don't like letting out in the open, yet here we are.
So again, I apologize. It largely has to do with how I was planning to spend my time today; I was actually going to draw for Red Hood Rider, but now it's not only late, but my mood to do so has been killed by the long day. I just had my energy drained. Sometimes, I really hate being me. The type of person who's smart enough to know that generosity is often a thankless job which gives nothing (to the person giving) and takes a lot (from the person giving), and yet is stupid enough to do it anyway because of some silly belief that being selfless is worth it.
I just let out a large sigh when writing this, so I think I've gotten it off my chest. Ahg, I kinda want to delete this post for just how cynical and pessimistic it is, but if anyone's read this blog, they know me well enough to know I won't do that. This is a part of me, albeit a highly undesirable piece of it, so I might as well show it off.
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