I'm thinking art. I mean, while job stuff has no definitive cutoff point, it can be hard to reach a stopping point. Whereas with art, I can just hop in or out at any time. But first, I do have a couple of errands to run. Among them, talking on here about identity, a little bit.
One thing about my special brain is that people influence it. I take on aspects of people. Real-life people, such as my brother, enter my head at times. Fictional characters enter my head all the time. (Like the phrase, "Well that's not good", I have a way of saying and thinking it which is literally identical to the source. I used it for longer than I can remember, and only later realized said source was the airship guy in The Mummy Returns, or whatever the second Mummy movie was called. As just one example.)
Story characters are in there too, though that's obviously a two-way link, with them influencing what I think and what I think influencing very loosely what they think. (They still have distinctive thoughts different from my own, though. That they use curse words is proof enough of that!)
This means that, at any moment, I can be taking on aspects of entirely different people. In short? I can become a different person, just by having a different 'source' in mind. To put this into perspective...think of me as an actor. Remember my ramble about scripts? It's not too terribly far back in the archives. If you're a new reader to this blog, go binge until you can find it, or do a site search of the word (though me being a writer, you'll obviously get false positives a lot).
You'll know it when you see it, because I talk about scripts in relationship to everything I do on a daily basis. What I didn't say then, and the implication from this, is that someone has to actually act out the scripts...and that requires an actual actor. Me.
So me being an actor...I must play parts. I must become characters. I must become these personas. And...I do. I'm really, really good at integrating their thoughts into my mind, and learning how to make them me, and make me them. The difference between snarking and rambling, for instance, may be a simple difference in an internal voice that is dictating my actions.
Internal voices, in this case, being how certain sentences sound in my head. These thoughts I can easily identify as foreign or natural. I have a natural internal voice. I've mentioned this before, when also talking about David and Brian and their internal voices in my head and how I can sometimes have an internal voice merged with theirs.
(For newer bingers to my archive: yeah I'm a little bit crazy. FAR moreso than most people. The things I believe in, the conditions I have be it diagnosed or suspected, if I fully vented everything to someone there'd be a realistic chance of me landing in an insane asylum. But with luck, it's a good, weird, strange yet charismatic crazy, rather than a psycho murderous evil scary crazy. You be the judge.)
If a thought is foreign, that means it came from someone else. These thoughts are sometimes my own, just using their voices. Other times, those thoughts are most definitely not my own, or if they were my own, I wish they weren't. (For instance, incredibly bigoted thoughts not using my own natural voice.) If they're not my own, and this is where the acting comes in, sometimes, with presentation, I make them my own.
This is where a fair amount of my snark originates from, believe it or not. I come from a snarky family. And I do think up snark of my own. I do think up humor of my own. You see it a lot in my webcomics! But when it comes to me actually expressing humor, I am awkward about it in person, because my own internal voice is not suited for the task. To tell something with snark, I need to borrow someone else's. (Usually one of my sisters, occasionally my brother's, or some random other source.)
And online? I've got a natural predisposition to ramble, which runs entirely counter to so much as the idea of snarking. I suppose it's not impossible to tell a long, snarky post, but it's basically so. And yet, many times, I will still manage to tell something snarky, use some sort of humor to lighten the mood, give a good pun, or similar.
And this? This, because I borrow from that same source, that outside person, who I play the role of. Who I act as. It's not natural to me, but by becoming that person, I can express things that I want to express and otherwise couldn't.
I wish I could explain this better, but one, I've run out of words that are coherent, and two, there's a NASTY windstorm which is threatening to cut power so I kinda sorta need to post this before threat becomes actuality.