Today is the one-year anniversary of the accident that forever changed my life. The second Tuesday of January. The day I nearly died, literally, when I crashed my car, brushed with death, and was forever changed.
Because while it took me a little while to sort out what my thoughts were in those vital few moments...it was truly on that day that I first realized I am a transwoman. And that one little thing has set off a ripple effect. Realizing I am a transwoman encouraged me to get my life in order, something I once again feel the need to do. Realizing I am a transwoman made me happy, and that meant when I was feeling unhappy for no reason, I needed to figure out why, and be honest with myself, directly leading to me admitting that I am bipolar. Realizing I am a transwoman redefined everything, even though on the surface very little visibly changed.
So today is my C-day. (Or T-day, if you'd prefer.) Crash day. The day that could have traumatized me for life, yet instead I have managed to make into the strongest motivating factor in me being glad to be alive. I could have died that day, in so many different ways. But I didn't. I lived, with barely a scratch. And I gained knowledge about me that perhaps I could have gotten with time, yet I obtained it all in an instant.
That was the day the old me died, and the new me that every day I am striving to more and more be was born. It's things like that which can really make someone believe in God. I'm going down the path that I am because of what I found. I was fortunate, beyond all odds. There are so many ways that I could have been injured, so many outcomes...and yet, I got the one where I was left perfectly fine, but having gained a new direction in my life. Divine intervention, you could say.
So today is a very special day for me. I should be feeling miserable right now. Yet right now, I actually feel great. I'd prefer to get a nap, obviously, yet I am also motivated to get things done, to get organized, to continue the push that began one year ago to the day. (Well, reasonably close to the day, at least.) It's like a second birthday for me, far more important than any other day, because it's on this day that I can make a wish for my life, that I can decide what I want for the following year, that I can give gifts to myself. It is the day where I can most believe in myself.
Today is the day I learned how to live, and why I wanted to. The day Bree came to be.