All Too Human
All Too Human
  • Blog
  • Red Hood Rider

Rambles, Rants, and Musings

What a day!

1/28/2015

0 Comments

 
So I came back from college and got to take a 20-minute nap. This being a 20-minute nap, you'd think it'd be even less likely for me to make anything productive, but to the contrary, I had yet another lucid dream, this one so pleasant that I struggled and struggled to maintain it but to no avail.

There was a song. A song I made. Nothing already existing. Brand new material, a song that I had made. And I knew it was me who had made it, not someone else. A 100%, completely original, production of mine. And it was AWESOME. I could hear the lyrics, both the chorus and the verse, and all the supporting instruments. It had a female lead singer--me, as a woman--and a male backup singer. It had percussion supporting it, and bells, and one or two guitars as well.

The song was best described as being alternative, with a little pop and mainly rock in it. It even had a music video playing; the song I believe had to do with either building or toppling walls (I can't remember, but lean towards the latter given the fire I also saw in the video), and the band was playing the song; I even saw the bandmates aside from myself, albeit only glimpsing them. That's right. Start to finish, in a nap, I managed to lucid dream-write an entire music video, from the lyrics to the song to the imagery.

...And yet, the second I had perfected it, it instantly began to slip away. I cried out, "No! Don't go! Let me at least remember some fraction of it so that I can record it! Please don't go!" But the more I tried to hold onto the song, the more it slipped away. I wasn't even half-way done with my nap, and the entire song had slipped away, vanishing and disappearing, likely forever. I can give the vaguest of descriptions of what it was, yet not a single note, not a single word, remains in my mind.

It all just...disappeared. Which was...well, rather saddening, to say the least. If I had a way to describe it, I'd loosely say in the same vein as "the best song ever written...a tribute", in that it was a moment of genius, so good, so perfect, that it was basically the peak of what's possible, and anything I could hope to create would only serve to be my attempt to pay tribute to that achievement, that passing flame.

...But I see this as a good thing, in a way. Why? Because it shows that I had the talent, at least in theory, to pull it off. This wasn't a case of a dream that sounded like a good idea and then when awake the idea doesn't make sense; this was a dream that WAS a good idea but is buried away in my subconscious somewhere, still, with the potential to be brought out. In other words, it's giving me something to stride towards, something to strive for. I'm better than I think I am, and if I choose to, then I could actually make good music--perhaps never achieving that standard, but setting a high bar anyway.

On a somewhat-related note, the square dancing club I attend on Wednesday nights voted on a theme tonight. There were many options available, but my sister designed some really, really fancy ones, the Phoenix-themed one by far outclassing every other outfit there. The designs were absolutely beautiful, to the point where others said they'd love to wear it and I made it quite vocal that I'd like that sort of fancy clothing.

...But we only had five eligible people for voting, all of whom are young (emphasis "young") teenagers. So what did they end up picking? Nerds. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah. Fortunately, this isn't the club I actually compete with, so I don't have to wear the outfit. Thing is, though, had they picked a good one, then I would have supported the club and gotten it anyway, but with that decision, well, I made my displeasure rather strongly known.

I swear, the decision for a nerd outfit over a much more elegant design (there were more than just the thematically-appropriate and aesthetically-awesome Phoenix, too!) is the type of thing that in their boots would seem to me to be something that's like, "I enjoyed it at the time, but oh, god, what the hell was I thinking?" ten years later. Yeah, that type of thing. Which they're entitled to having, of course, it's just that I don't have to like the choice.

But I digress. The point is, it got a conversation going with my sister. (Older sister, just for clarity.) She reconfirmed that I had a taste in fancy, elegant clothing, and that I'd probably wear it if I had it available. (And I would.) She then went on to note how that'd mean that my clothing would be similar to hers, and that left me feeling a bit happy.

In a way, it makes me feel closer to being Rain with Kellen as my older sister. (Though my older brother is nine months younger than my older sister, they're effectively in the same agegroup, having the same circle of friends and basically the same culture, so there's even that parallel, too.) In a lot of ways, I look up to my older sister as an idle, striving to be more like her. She has absolutely no clue to what extent this truly is, but it's there, all the same.

I love how long and beautiful her hair is, even envying it. I like her aesthetic choice, in clothing, in jewelry, everything. It's really what I would wear if I had the ability right now to wear it. And I do suppose that musically-speaking, she's a bit of an inspiration to me. On that note (ha), though, an additional highlight from our conversation was how she talked about a student who heard her playing a song of hers, and the student said it deserved to be published and famous.

Frankly, with what I've heard of her music, I agree. I asked her if she's ever considered it, and she said she has, but doesn't know how. I strongly encouraged her to do some research, and basically said that it's probably a more complex version of getting a novel published: difficult to get done, but possible all the same.

Speaking of which, she misheard me initially and thought I said 'album', which she thought made no sense about me publishing. I surprised her by telling her what any long-term reader (or archive binger) of my comic would know, that actually, I do compose music in my mind (even having done so this day, as previously mentioned), but I lack the formal training to bring it to life. She said I could always use her piano to figure out the notes, and show her, and she'd write it down, so that's something that may happen sometime.

All-in-all, very good day for creativity. My spirits are fairly high.
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    rBree2

    AKA:
    RangerBree2
    ​rangerbreenew

    Just your average blogger. A transwoman lesbian, with autism, adhd, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, who is plural (a polyfrag median system).

    Twitter
    Twitch
    ​​YouTube
    ​TikTok
    Alt-Blog
    ​Fanhouse​
    Facebook
    Steam

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    August 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014

    Categories

    All
    Adhd
    Anxiety
    Art
    Autism
    Consumed Entertainment
    Content Creation
    Dancing
    Depression
    Dream
    Family Night
    Farn
    Food
    Games
    Gender Dysphoria
    Health
    Love
    Mafia
    Misophonia
    Past Midnight
    Pets
    Philosophy
    Phyrra And Cyrus
    Plural
    Ramble
    Red Hood Rider
    Religion
    Rider
    Rubyverse
    Saturdays
    School
    Sleep
    Song
    Story
    Sundays
    Tae Kwon Do
    Technical Difficulties
    The Descended
    Trans
    Work

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.