So I knew I hadn't blogged yesterday.
I had mapped out what my blog post was going to be: nothing remarkable, but thanks to the nature of the long day, I thought, "this would be a good blog post".
And then, I never did it.
This isn't a case of me forgetting.
Oh no.
It's not even a case of me procrastinating.
It was a case of me, somehow, getting into the mindset of, "...Eh. I can miss a day".
Which I got into yesterday.
But here in the now, today, all I can think is, "Bree, you idiot, how could you EVER get in that mindset?!?"
Because this is a daily blog.
That means a blog post every day.
There have been accidental slips every once and a while.
Times where I meant to make an entry, but didn't.
Times where I thought I had made an entry, but hadn't.
Never once has there been a time where I deliberately chose not to blog.
I mean. That was a fear I had on day one of the blog. Back waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay in the time of October 2014, when this blog was new, I warned you all specifically that this was the sort of thing I was expecting to happen. I know myself better than anyone else, and I knew that it was like 95% certain that I would get disinterested and miss days, in spite of my intention for a daily blog, and my greatest fear was intentional misses, one after another, leading to an abandonment of the project.
...But you know what?
Somehow, defying my own profile of myself...
I managed to keep it up.
So, rather understandably, right now I'm ticked off at myself. I'm like a mother scolding a child. Except, in this case, it's the motherly half of me, scolding the childish half of me, because the motherly half of me, the responsible half of me, knows just how stupid that was, and yet, the childish half of me did it anyway.
So I'm just incredibly frustrated at myself for being a moron, and knowing I was being a moron, and yet not doing anything about it. There's more than my pride of daily blogging being lost on the line. (Which, by the way, is still a thing: now I have to reset the counter again, because I'm still in a place where I have not gotten a year of continuous daily blogging, something I really really REALLY want!)
It's also how dangerous that mindset is. If I stop blogging once, intentionally, what's to stop me from not blogging more than once intentionally? There's a DARN good reason that, in all my nearly-two-years of blogging, I have gone through the trouble of typing out technical-blog-posts that really weren't blog posts: "Uhg, don't feel like blogging today, will talk tomorrow" type things.
It's because they technically fulfilled this daily blog requirement, even if only just! I'd rather have an empty, contentless blog than no blog at all, because the former can change to have content; the latter cannot. So I'm going to be spending some time venting out some thoughts today, in compensation. Separate posts, because I need to separate my thoughts right now.
I mean, I could segue into them, but...well, one, that'd be a super-long blog post, and two, content would be lost. I'm just racing with thoughts today, and I want to get them all out right here and now.
I had mapped out what my blog post was going to be: nothing remarkable, but thanks to the nature of the long day, I thought, "this would be a good blog post".
And then, I never did it.
This isn't a case of me forgetting.
Oh no.
It's not even a case of me procrastinating.
It was a case of me, somehow, getting into the mindset of, "...Eh. I can miss a day".
Which I got into yesterday.
But here in the now, today, all I can think is, "Bree, you idiot, how could you EVER get in that mindset?!?"
Because this is a daily blog.
That means a blog post every day.
There have been accidental slips every once and a while.
Times where I meant to make an entry, but didn't.
Times where I thought I had made an entry, but hadn't.
Never once has there been a time where I deliberately chose not to blog.
I mean. That was a fear I had on day one of the blog. Back waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay in the time of October 2014, when this blog was new, I warned you all specifically that this was the sort of thing I was expecting to happen. I know myself better than anyone else, and I knew that it was like 95% certain that I would get disinterested and miss days, in spite of my intention for a daily blog, and my greatest fear was intentional misses, one after another, leading to an abandonment of the project.
...But you know what?
Somehow, defying my own profile of myself...
I managed to keep it up.
So, rather understandably, right now I'm ticked off at myself. I'm like a mother scolding a child. Except, in this case, it's the motherly half of me, scolding the childish half of me, because the motherly half of me, the responsible half of me, knows just how stupid that was, and yet, the childish half of me did it anyway.
So I'm just incredibly frustrated at myself for being a moron, and knowing I was being a moron, and yet not doing anything about it. There's more than my pride of daily blogging being lost on the line. (Which, by the way, is still a thing: now I have to reset the counter again, because I'm still in a place where I have not gotten a year of continuous daily blogging, something I really really REALLY want!)
It's also how dangerous that mindset is. If I stop blogging once, intentionally, what's to stop me from not blogging more than once intentionally? There's a DARN good reason that, in all my nearly-two-years of blogging, I have gone through the trouble of typing out technical-blog-posts that really weren't blog posts: "Uhg, don't feel like blogging today, will talk tomorrow" type things.
It's because they technically fulfilled this daily blog requirement, even if only just! I'd rather have an empty, contentless blog than no blog at all, because the former can change to have content; the latter cannot. So I'm going to be spending some time venting out some thoughts today, in compensation. Separate posts, because I need to separate my thoughts right now.
I mean, I could segue into them, but...well, one, that'd be a super-long blog post, and two, content would be lost. I'm just racing with thoughts today, and I want to get them all out right here and now.
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