Family is all gone, so I'm home alone. Is good for freedom and stuff, but we're not taking advantage of it. We're just kinda chilling like normal.

But we are trying to do things.

We're trying to just.

Find more of ourselves.

We know there's more.
What we know of ourselves is fine. We could live our lives as we are and it would be good.

​But we know that we've only scratched the surface and we feel like we can do so so so much more and better and just, know more about us.

Specifically, today we spent 6 hours editing.

It was grueling work.

But it was worth it.

We cleaned up a bunch and now it's, mostly, good.

We finished the editing we wanted to do and can now write more again.

The inner perfectionist in us is second-guessing some aspects of our work (sentences being too long to our inner critic's tastes), but we're calling it, going "nahhhh, let's just move on, it's good enough and still works".

I know how easy it is to fall down the eternal editing hole.

This wasn't that though, this was too sloppy to not be revised--we wrote it while dead tired and distracted without reading it after writing it, after all. So it needed to have a basic passover done on it in order to get it from sloppy trash that only works as a rough draft, to acceptable as a first draft.

And we did.

So now we can continue.

Did take us the whole night tho.

And it was exhausting.

It's genuinely so draining.

But, we think we can make progress now that we did that pass on the revisions.

We're not working out again.
We've not been keeping up with any form of hygiene.
Not our skincare.
Not showering.
Not shampoo/conditioner.
Not changing clothes.
Not brushing our teeth.

We haven't done workout stuff. No daily physical stuff.
No ab workout.
No running, or even walking.
No tae kwon do.

In spite of that, we still have pain in our feet, since they are saying we are exhausted.

But to make things worse we keep on eating way too much food especially carb-heavy food.

We're meant to be cutting down on carbs, and eating after workouts.

We're depressed, getting worse.

We're not streaming tonight, either, in spite of the ability to.

Our lucidity comes and goes (sometimes high, sometimes low) but is mostly higher than low tonight so we had the mental to stream.
We had no game we needed to play since we got our League in.
We had no stream to watch since nobody we really wanted to watch was streaming anything we really wanted to.
We had nothing to do.
And the lucidity to stream.
And the incentive to stream.
And the schedule backing up streaming.

But we managed to talk ourselves out of it for garbage reasons.
It's too hot, we said. (To be fair, it is. It's been over 80 degrees in here, circa 83 or so all day long.)
It's too humid, we said. (Well it is, sitting at ~65% humidity in here.)
Our family are still all awake, which puts a dampener on streaming since they're up at nearly 5 am. (Okay this is more understandable, it prevents me from speaking and mostly prevents me from using my cam.)
My dad might have a medical emergency, which is not something to have broadcast in any way shape or form. (If this did happen that'd be understandable, but it's only a chance, so like. If it happened, justified; in the event it doesn't, then it wasn't.)

We just.

Are going into more depression again.

​We're doing nothing we want to do.

I don't really know why.

We suspect the staff meeting might've contributed, but we're just.

​Tireddddddd.

Again! Again again!

So last night, as I was drifting to sleep, I had a dream that turned into a story idea. It was just at the beginning of me trying to sleep, but still a dream. So I did wake up, ending the dream but leaving me with a story idea. I lost some of the details once waking as per the usual, but it was coherent enough for me to keep the important parts.

But it being the time I needed to sleep, I had to risk it and just sleep.

So I forgot it overnight.

I did miraculously recover some of it, maybe most of it, although I inevitably lost some details somewhere along the line.

The basic idea I had was that a girl was brought to another world and granted powers there. The girl came from a not good place, and the people she was brought to are, genuinely, benign. They are not malevolent individuals masking as benevolent ones; they are genuinely kind, caring individuals who truly do mean best.

They defend against, and even hunt, some people believing it is for the protection of all. And she became one of their top agents at having done so. By this time, she had aged from a young girl to a young adult.

I don't remember the details of the group or how she landed among them (probably either accident/injury or her deliberately going on an undercover mission), but after some time spent among them, she has a change of heart. She realizes that the group she was previously a part of and their entire nation was wrong. Well-meaning, but wrong.

She spends time among them, learning among them, and eventually even becoming a teacher for their young (tho her transformation into a gigantic serpent monster as her first day was certainly not something that left a favorable impression--she is still naïve at that point, still being new to understanding why she is terrifying, being the cute clumsy girl that is learning and figuring things out).

At some point, she does return to her previous life, but now lives a double life among both (this is actually shown first with the above as flashbacks), but the details there when she's actually in her later 20s, I don't particularly remember. Something about her being suspected of what she is doing, with her friends not understanding why she would do so, why she would betray them.

I know her point of contact for those she hunted was one of the hunted's more skilled members, and that he recognized that she had no idea about the true nature of his kind. I know that there is a conversion process of some kind that she undergoes to be one of them while still appearing as her old self.

I remember some of the aesthetics; she wears a pink kimono at all times and has black hair, tho the length changes.
I remember that one of the guys involved has gray hair, fairly spikey but not quite to Goku lengths. And has small subtle fangs.

But I can't put it all together yet.

And since I have other focuses, sadly, I likely never will.

Still tho.

​Writing it down so I don't forget again again.

Dunno why, but just am.

Second-longest stream of all time, mind you.

But it was insanely productive. We got a ton of work done on our novel, had some fun spending some time dancing to some good tunes, and just had a good day altogether.

It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

...It's 7 am, actually 7:17 am and counting, we kinda need to go to bed. xD

We can't really blog that much, we still gotta take our nightly meds (I knew we shoulda done that before we started stream, not waiting until after. Oh, well.), and record things for our stream, and such, so we don't really have the time to blog on top of all that. It was a good day, lots of good happened including a weight off our shoulders at Riot having fixed the issue with Star Guardians that made my mental state tank (well, contributed at least).

But, I can't talk about more.

​We really gotta sleep.

We did make good story progress tho!
​Farn is on its way to becoming real.

We streamed. We did things.

What else do we have to say?

Well we didn't do novel work I guess.

I don't know what to say tonight.

​I just want sleep to be honest.

So very very tired.

Just.

Exhausted.

Need to just.

​Sleep.